The Plastic Hippo

April 10, 2017


Boris Johnson jelly

Ask any legitimate gathering of jellyfish, amoebas, plankton, protozoa and an accredited assortment of single-cell organisms making a living as newspaper editors and politicians and they will all agree that Bashar al-Assad, the 19th President of Syria, is basically a nasty piece of work.

His elder brother, Bassel al-Assad, managed to drive his Mercedes at high speed through fog into an unexpected obstacle and, according to the Syrian regime, died gloriously as “the martyr of the nation and the symbol for its youth”. If only he had survived he might be in a position to advise the youth of Syria not to drive too fast and always check your brake pipes. Poor second son Bashar had to give up being an Ophthalmologist in London and leg it back to Damascus to take up the family business of oppressive dictatorship once dear old dad popped his clogs in the year 2000.

As despotic dictatorial potentates go, Bashar at first was generally acceptable to the rest of the world. He spoke English, he had a nice wife and he wore a suit and a tie and even though he was happy to kill his own people with chemical weapons he was polite when explaining that his own people were actually terrorists. Interestingly, the names opposition, rebels, ISIS, rebels and opposition tend to change depending on the direction of the wind. With a little help from his friends, Basher Bashar managed to halt the Arab Spring in Syria and maintain instead a hard Russian Winter. Usually, what is laughably described as the free world adopts one of three distinct approaches when dealing with tyrants systematically murdering the civilians that they claim to be protecting.

The first approach is to courageously ignore the genocide and describe the slaughter as “internal unrest” and of no concern to us. The second is to pass a few meaningless UN resolutions and sell lots of lovely armaments through third or fourth of fifth parties strictly on the quiet and leaving no accountancy trail. When any supply of oil is threatened, the third approach is to get involved in an all out shooting war. Syria, however, offers a new scenario in that Syria has become either a distraction from unwanted attention or a battlefield for internal civil wars thousands of miles away from Syria itself.

The free world tried option one and then tried option two and came very close to engaging with option three before wiser heads realised that going to war on flimsy evidence and waging yet another war in the Middle East without a strategy, plan or exit conditions was a really stupid idea. Back in 2013, even Donald Trump made his opposition to an armed response perfectly clear by taking to social media and describing such an action as “Dumb” in upper case. Strange that in 2017, Trump blames the Obama administration for not taking military action when the use of chemical weapons was first discovered and it was the Obama administration that allowed the use of chemical weapons last Tuesday. Having previously questioned the accuracy and patriotism of the America Intelligence agencies, Trump ordered an air strike based on what American Intelligence agencies had told him.

Trump was emphatically against military intervention in Syria and as recently as two weeks ago advised us that Bashar al-Assad would be part of the future of Syria and that we should get used to it. What could possibly have caused this reversal of policy which resulted in 59 Tomahawk cruise missile being fired at Syria between Friday night and Saturday morning? One formerly credible television news journalist reported that Donald Trump is influenced by what he watches on television and the images of children gasping for air left him upset enough to launch high explosives at Syria in order to pacify Syrian children. Trump said;
“Even beautiful babies were cruelly murdered in this very barbaric attack”.
Half the missiles missed the target and nine civilians including four children were killed in a nearby village. The airfield was operating again within 18 hours of the US attack.

Trump went on to say;
“Tonight I call on all civilised nations to join us in seeking to end the slaughter and bloodshed in Syria.”
He added;
“No child of God should suffer this horror.”

Tomahawk cruise missiles are rather expensive and perhaps the “beautiful babies” of Syria might have a brighter future if Trump allowed refugees shelter and comfort within the borders of the land of the free and the home of the brave. Welcoming children is certainly a cheaper option than saying goodbye to 59 cruise missiles that did nothing to protect children.

What we are looking at is a blatant and unconvincing distraction. The current government of the United States cynically used the Syrian gas attack to distract from the hundreds of civilians being killed by US airstrikes in Mosul and elsewhere in Iraq. Beautiful babies cruelly murdered are perfect fodder to distract us from hungry babies in New York, Moscow, Washington and even Damascus. Protests against government will not be reported unless the government is a government we do not approve of.
The day before the chemical attack, a mainstream media news organisation boasted of exclusive access to Syrian regime helicopter pilots and aired a piece featuring suave, debonair pilots telling us of how they pray to God as they pull the trigger that none of the bullets end up killing children. The War Crimes Commission might encounter some difficulty in calling God to the court to answer charges of failing to protect children from airborne attack. Exclusive footage appeared to show evil gunmen dragging children along with them as a human shield and the frustrated Syrian pilots related how they had been forced to hold fire. This broadcast went out 24 hours after the Syrian regime gassed its own people and 24 hours before the suave, debonair pilots were delivering barrel bombs to civilians and “beautiful babies” across Syria.

With the deeply sinister Steve Bannon and other equally noxious individuals within the Trump court being jettisoned as enquiries delving into Trump`s relationship with Russia get ever closer to the truth then a massive distraction is required to distance the current occupant of the White House with his employer in Moscow. You can almost imagine the conversation in Oval Office now dismantled brick-by-brick and reassembled at a Trump resort in Florida.
I know, let`s start a war


We cannot afford a war sir

Not a real war, you jerk, show me a map

You cannot start a war without us

Get out…you`re fired

You cannot fire the CIA sir

Get out…you`re fired. You, get me Putin on the phone

Sir, yes sir

Hi Vlad, yes it`s me…Donald…Donald Trump…you know, the President of the United States. Look I need a war and I thought that maybe you could help. What…really…that`s brilliant Vlad, really brilliant. You mean that I am allowed to pretend to threaten you…Are you okay with that..?
Okay…yeah…yeah…thanks…oh and thanks for the, you know, hacking stuff. Yes, of course, sorry Vlad…Vlad?…Vlad? He hung up.

Sir, your orders sir

Bomb Syria but do not cause any damage to Russian assets

Sir, yes sir

Oh, and make sure that Boris Johnson goes nowhere near Moscow. That spineless jelly fish will probably say something stupid and blow the whole deal.

Sir, yes sir. What about collateral damage to innocent civilians

No civilian is innocent and that includes European Heads of State.

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