The Plastic Hippo

April 10, 2017

Jellyfish

Boris Johnson jelly

Ask any legitimate gathering of jellyfish, amoebas, plankton, protozoa and an accredited assortment of single-cell organisms making a living as newspaper editors and politicians and they will all agree that Bashar al-Assad, the 19th President of Syria, is basically a nasty piece of work.

His elder brother, Bassel al-Assad, managed to drive his Mercedes at high speed through fog into an unexpected obstacle and, according to the Syrian regime, died gloriously as “the martyr of the nation and the symbol for its youth”. If only he had survived he might be in a position to advise the youth of Syria not to drive too fast and always check your brake pipes. (more…)

April 3, 2017

Rock on

Barbarity

Not since David Cameron infamously misplaced his child following an embarrassing photo opportunity in a pub has a British Prime Minister so spectacularly lost sight of a vulnerable dependent. By forgetting to mention the fate of poor little Gibraltar in her infamous letter-signing photo opportunity and according to some of the more excitable Tories still allowed out in public, Theresa May is prepared to wage war against Spain in order to defend the British Overseas Territory famous for its verminous Barbary macaques, crooked shell companies, tax avoidance and on-line gambling rackets.

This latest nonsense comes from Michael now Lord Howard who is only memorable as a former Leader of the Conservative Party because the rather odd Ann Widdecombe thought there was “something of the night” about this Welsh son of a Romanian migrant. It only took four days of swinging on the curtains, scratching table legs and eating the corner of the carpet in sheer joy before some Tories mistakenly thought the phrase “triggering Article 50” means starting a European war. (more…)

April 1, 2017

April fool

Cottingley Fairies


The art and elegance of successful prank should involve at least a little skill and any triumphant hoax, however improbable, should be able fool basic human life forms that have managed to evolve into something that is not quite a complete moron. Idiots will believe anything if it is presented with gravitas and a straight face but those with even the dimmest spark of rationality are more difficult to win over without the thought that however ridiculous the hokum might be, there is still a remote possibility that the ruse might actually be true.

Thus we have Sir Arthur Conan Doyle believing that cardboard fairies in Yorkshire were real and sections of the BBC audience believed that spaghetti grows on trees. It seems that Paul McCartney died at the height of Beatle mania, an alien autopsy took place at Roswell and corn circles were not extraterrestrial landing sites but the product of two bored blokes, four planks of wood and a few lengths of rope. Orson Wells was only fooling when he frightened the life out of radio listeners with his adaptation of The War of the Worlds, Piltdown Man once walked in Sussex and the Daily Mail proved once and for all the existence of the Loch Ness Monster in a famous but faked photograph. (more…)

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