The Plastic Hippo

May 14, 2017

Always let your conscience be your guide

No strings

Perhaps he has been lured away by two scurrilous villains known as Honest Liam the Fox and Gideon the Evening Standard Cat to join Stromboli`s evil puppet show or he has been transported to so-called Pleasure Island where foolish boys unable to tell the truth are transformed into donkeys and sold into slavery or, given his rather tenuous relationship with veracity, perhaps he has been swallowed up by a giant whale answering to the name Monstro. Whatever excuse for absence is offered, the big question is where the bloody hell is Jeremy Hunt.

The cyber attack on NHS hospitals and GP surgeries on Friday afternoon is most definitely an emergency but it is not necessarily an accident. The attack, it seems was random and affected multiple organisations in many territories and was not an attempt to specifically target the NHS. As the scale of blanket ransom demands began to unfold, it became clear that the assault was the result of gross incompetence. According to a person called Amber Rudd, who apparently is the current Home Secretary, the gross incompetence was the responsibility of the NHS because it had failed to update its IT virus protection regardless of the instructions of the current Secretary of State for Health, the missing Jeremy Hunt.

After ambulances had been turned away from A and E, admissions and discharges cancelled and procedures postponed, it emerged that the NHS was using Windows XP and the Conservative government had ended a five and a half million quid support programme in 2015. At the time, some brave if foolish souls in the NHS suggested that this government cut would leave vital NHS IT systems vulnerable to cyber attack. After 24 hours of chaos, the person who is apparently called Amber Rudd was back in front of the cameras proclaiming that the NHS had coped well with the crisis thanks to the sage advice of the current Secretary of State for Health, the missing Jeremy Hunt. The decision to cancel the Microsoft support package was made by the Home Secretary of the time, a person apparently named as Theresa May.

There is nothing accidental or incompetent about this latest NHS crisis. It is, instead, a deliberate strategy of sabotage aimed at destroying what is perhaps this nation`s greatest achievement. Universal health care at the point of need is a reality that the missing Hunt, the babbling Rudd and the increasingly maniacal May simply cannot tolerate as there is no profit to be made from basic humanity. The taxes and national insurance contributions paid by people without accountants, tax lawyers or bent politicians to multiply wealth will easily fund a comprehensive National Health Service. Instead, that revenue is being systematically diverted to shareholder dividends and the off-shore tax havens of corporate entities making money out of other people`s adversity.

So where is the missing Jeremy Hunt? During a crisis we would surely expect the man responsible to roll up his sleeves and do his job.

Hand crafted by the kindly old wood carver Geppetto Cameron, perhaps Jeremy`s ambition to become a real boy has been thwarted because his nose has grown so long that he cannot get out of the ministerial limo or the executive elevator to the top floor of News International (or whatever re-brand Stromboli has named his evil puppet show) or even extract himself from the belly of a giant whale with a brain the size of UKIP. Setting fire to blubber in the hope of being sneezed out on a tidal wave of absence is not going to alert the coast guard.

Jeremy Hunt might be a missing marionette who can sing and dance without strings, but the real Pinocchio became a real boy by being “brave, truthful and unselfish”. Pinocchio was helped to achieve this with the help of Jiminy Cricket who acted as the puppet`s conscience. Sadly, bravery, truthfulness and unselfishness are as unfamiliar as anything remotely resembling a conscience to Jeremy Hunt. He might imagine that he is free of strings, but one day the missing strings might reappear and sadly strangle him.

If the NHS survives, we can only live in hope.

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