The Plastic Hippo

May 19, 2017

Pen pals

Filed under: Politics,Society — theplastichippo @ 4:01 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

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B.O.L.T.O.P.

In an age of brutally instant electronic communication, how pleasant and delightful it is to receive an actual letter through the post that is not a final demand, court summons or an invitation to the home owner or occupier to wave goodbye to varying amounts of money as part of a criminal scheme designed to separate the foolish from hard earned savings. It`s not every day that a real letter arrives and it is even rarer to find that the incoming missive has been signed by the actual Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

It is astonishing to think that a busy Prime Minister in the middle of an election campaign can find the time and make the effort to write to someone as unimportant and as insignificant as me. The Prime Minister has kissed the hand of the Queen, held hands with President Trump, shaken hands with a variety of dictators and has handed out all manner of lucrative favours to some very wealthy and therefore more important people than me, myself and I. With her own fair hand, she has signed a heartfelt epistle worthy of Saint Paul which has addressed me and only me.

In the days before correspondence became communication, it was considered polite to reply to letters…so here goes.

Dear Theresa May,

Thank you, Theresa, for your letter explaining to me that, as a nation, we face the most important period in our lifetime and that my own security and prosperity and the opportunities I seek for my family will simply not happen unless I vote for you. As an ordinary, working person, I appreciate your kindness, Theresa, in telling me that any failure in negotiating a successful withdrawal from the European Union will have serious consequences. It is as if you can read my mind, Theresa.

However, I need to let you know that even if I desperately want to vote for you, it is impossible, dear Theresa. You have told me that only a vote for you will give you a strong negotiating hand in Brussels allowing you to give me a better paid job, a cheaper house, a better school for my children and a strong economy paying for a strong NHS that will stop me from dying. Unfortunately, I simply cannot vote for you.

I cannot vote for you Theresa because the United Kingdom is a parliamentary democracy. We are not governed by a president. My name, along with millions and millions of other names do not appear on the electoral role for the constituency of Maidenhead and as much as we would wish to give you a good, strong hand, Theresa, we cannot.

Your strong and stable leadership is beyond question as confirmed by your triumphant success as Home Secretary and your courageous decision to not campaign to remain within the European Union even though you said that you wished to remain within the European Union. Your strong and stable leadership was confirmed within 24 hours as Brussels gossip was redefined as a major threat to national security and that you would never announce a snap general election based on opinion polls. Theresa, with such an impeccable record of honesty, only a simpleton or unpatriotic traitor would dare to suggest that Theresa May is anything but completely trustworthy.

You are quite correct, Theresa, when you say that Labour will claim every Labour vote as a vote for Jeremy Corbyn and a vote for his nonsensical and dangerous ideas. You are also correct, Theresa, in claiming that every Conservative vote is a vote for you and you alone.

I want my vote to count, Theresa.
I want to back you.
I want to take your bins out.
I want your strong and stable leadership.
I want you in a strong negotiating position.
I want you to govern me.
I want to feel your strong negotiating hand Theresa.

Yours sincerely,
The plastic hippo

PS – actually, please do not write to me again. I find your megalomania and self-obsession a little bit weird.

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1 Comment »

  1. Reblogged this on Political Concern.

    Comment by admin — May 19, 2017 @ 7:30 am | Reply


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