The Plastic Hippo

September 1, 2017

Trust in me


Even when a mature democracy becomes a little dog-eared around the edges and the very definition of democracy presents wear and tear in more urgent need of refurbishment than a crumbling Palace of Westminster, the basic premise of the relationship between the governed and the government is based almost entirely on trust.

Consider who one should trust in a head-to-head between David Davis and Michel Barnier. Obviously Barnier is foreign so trust is at a premium but balance that against David Davis who is an idiot. After three rounds of negotiation, the likelihood of a smooth breakfast is further away than ever and Davis bumbles about without any semblance of a clue, a plan or an ounce of credibility. It could, of course, be an elaborate bluff with Davis killing time in the hope those who voted leave combust with anger at the lack of progress or simply die of old age. That would make Davis a genius but such a concept requires an awful lot of trust.

Paragon of virtue Liam Fox shrieks EU blackmail like a man caught with his trousers down in a place where he should not be. Perhaps Liam is being advised about blackmail by his old chum Adam Werritty.

Given past and current performance, a juvenile faecal flinging rampant Bonobo would make a more trustworthy Foreign Secretary than Boris Johnson. Mr Johnson recently said that the summary execution of Muammar Gaddafi was a “tragedy” for Libya because the tyrant escaped true justice at the hands of international law. When Jeremy Corbyn described the summary execution of Osama bin Laden as a tragedy for exactly the same reason, Mr Corbyn became and remains, according to specimens like Boris Johnson, a terrorist sympathiser.

When it comes to analysing a set of data, few would be foolish enough to wager money on Jeremy Hunt being more expert at research than Stephen Hawking. Fewer still would bet that Hunt has superior medical knowledge than the entire cumulative experience and expertise of NHS Trusts, the GMC, doctors, nurses, support staff and even patients. Additionally, most bookmakers are unlikely to allow a punt suggesting that Mr Hunt has any relationship with bleeding obvious common sense.

Another character demanding trust is a certain Richard Branson. Having moved his business interests to the Caribbean island of Necker, Mr Branson is suing various NHS Trusts because he was initially unsuccessful in privatising some of the more lucrative bits of the NHS. As he and his family continue to support and fund the Conservative Party, it is only a matter of time before wards resemble over-crowded, scandalously over-priced and late Virgin Trains with all the profit heading off to Mr Branson`s island in the sun with a little bit creamed off the top for his pals in government. Jeremy Corbyn, it seems, was only pretending to sit on the floor of a crowded train.

Here is a really difficult one when it comes to trust. Do you take the word of a report by the United Nations Committee on the Rights of Disabled People or the word of an anonymous UK government spokesperson? According to the UN, austerity deliberately imposed upon people with disabilities in the UK is a “human catastrophe” designed to further impoverish already vulnerable people. In short, the conclusion is that the U.K government has purposely failed in its primary function to protect and support its citizens. When some of the evidence for such blatant discrimination first surface, the UK government condemned one of the authors as a witch, not in an ironic way but as an actual practitioner of black magic.

The Department of Work and Pensions is not alone in confusing trust with the black arts. The Home Office has been sending threatening letters to legitimate migrant workers telling them to leave the country even though these workers have every legal right to live and work here. Anyone remember Theresa May`s go home vans when she was in charge at the Home Office? They were found to be illegal too. Little wonder that this rotten government intends to ignore the European Court of Justice.

The Office for National Statistics has been deliberately over estimating immigration levels since it was established by George Osborne. It seems that the war cry of taking back control of our borders could be something of a red herring. Still, this is a government that demands our trust.

Obviously Rothermere`s Rag, Desmond`s Disgrace and Murdoch`s Muckfest are not to be trusted but what about the BBC? Will we ever again believe what is printed on the side of a bus or believe sobbing apologies from G4S and Serco? Can we forgive the silence coming from Aung San Suu Kyi or forgive the noise coming from Jacob Rees Mogg? With two almost identical narcissistic madmen who inherited daddy`s wealth and power threatening nuclear war, fake news is no laughing matter.

Mercifully, we have a Prime Minister that can be trusted. Forgetting her disastrous spell as Home Secretary and the palace coup that saw her into number 10, Theresa May is a woman of her word. Stating her preference of remaining within the EU, she did nothing to campaign for continued membership. As PM, she ruled out a snap general election based on opinion polls and called a snap general election based on opinion polls. She took an idea from Ed Miliband and promised to force energy companies to place a cap on prices only to let them increase their charges. She promised to curb the excesses of executive pay and pay inequality only to ignore such a promise. Now she says that she intends to cling to power until the next election.

Thankfully, we have a Prime Minister that can be trusted. She can be trusted to do the exact opposite of what she promises.

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