The Plastic Hippo

May 17, 2017

Yeah whatever

Filed under: Fiction,History,Music,Politics,Society — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
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Image via dailyhaha

In a mature democracy, regardless of overwhelming evidence of reckless irresponsibility, any government deciding to deny voting rights to millions of citizens might appear a little harsh if not actually undemocratic. However, given the scale of blatant indolence, a woeful lack of awareness and an apathetic indifference worthy of sheep being driven to an abattoir, there is a group of wanton hedonists who deserve to be disenfranchised on the grounds of poor taste alone without even considering the total lack of respect, gratitude or accountability that they exhibit.

Embracing a lifestyle of binge drinking, drug-taking and promiscuity, it is obvious that for the good of the nation, anyone aged between 50 and 70 should not be allowed to vote or to stand in an election to public office. (more…)

April 1, 2017

April fool

Cottingley Fairies


The art and elegance of successful prank should involve at least a little skill and any triumphant hoax, however improbable, should be able fool basic human life forms that have managed to evolve into something that is not quite a complete moron. Idiots will believe anything if it is presented with gravitas and a straight face but those with even the dimmest spark of rationality are more difficult to win over without the thought that however ridiculous the hokum might be, there is still a remote possibility that the ruse might actually be true.

Thus we have Sir Arthur Conan Doyle believing that cardboard fairies in Yorkshire were real and sections of the BBC audience believed that spaghetti grows on trees. It seems that Paul McCartney died at the height of Beatle mania, an alien autopsy took place at Roswell and corn circles were not extraterrestrial landing sites but the product of two bored blokes, four planks of wood and a few lengths of rope. Orson Wells was only fooling when he frightened the life out of radio listeners with his adaptation of The War of the Worlds, Piltdown Man once walked in Sussex and the Daily Mail proved once and for all the existence of the Loch Ness Monster in a famous but faked photograph. (more…)

March 30, 2017

Free at last

Filed under: Fiction,History,Law,Media,Politics,Rights,Society — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
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Hard Breakfast

Historians will undoubtedly look back and describe these exciting times that we are privileged to be living through as a glorious English Spring bringing about a bright political, economic and social future. At long last free from the shackles imposed by a faceless Brussels bureaucracy, we can march to the sunlit uplands confident that we are adored by the rest of the world and certain in our knowledge that Johnny Foreigner has at last been put in his place.

Given the dog-whistle ubiquity of social media, the practicality of flags, banners and anthems as muster points in a call to arms or a rallying focus in battle now seems rather quaint. It is now far easier to express steadfast patriotism from the anonymity of a keyboard and the symbolism of a raised standard or regimental colour has been reduced to a hash tag or avatar. A simple flag can represent the unity, strength, purpose and inherent values of an entire population even as an online avatar represents the opinion of an individual prepared to say anything outrageous in order to harvest attention.
(more…)

March 18, 2017

Standard job description

Filed under: Fiction,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 3:00 am
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Image via Evening Standard

The owner of London`s biggest and best free sheet, cat litter and fish and chip wrapper is looking to recruit a dynamic yet compliant editor to take the flagship toxic rag forward during the inevitable disintegration of Europe and the rise of a new Russian Empire.

This exciting and demanding position is ideal for a self-starting, self-interested and self-obsessed wealthy white man with nothing very much to do. As an independent, unbiased agent of limited intellect and imagination, you will publish government press releases verbatim both in print and online and give voice to the proprietor and do as you are bloody well told. (more…)

March 1, 2017

From Russia with Love

Filed under: Fiction,History,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 5:06 am
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And the 45th President of the United States of America is...

And the 45th President of the United States of America is…

It is a little known but irrefutable alternative fact that secret medical experiments attempting to reverse death developed during the Cold War in the then Soviet Union are continuing under the democratically elected government of the free, fair and completely trustworthy Russian Federation.

The research into preserving life after death started innocently enough during the civil war that followed the Russian revolution of October 1917. Various attempts to create harmony by re-assembling dead Bolsheviks mixed with dead White Guard counter-revolutionaries ended in failure as did an unsuccessful revival of the Romanov family in the hope of putting them on trial for crimes against humanity. One happy by product of the endeavour resulted in Lenin leaving behind an absolutely magnificent corpse. (more…)

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