The Plastic Hippo

May 28, 2015

Pull the other one

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:04 am
Tags: , , ,
All in this together

All in this together

Hang on a minute; just run that by me again. You are telling me that an incredibly wealthy woman of German decent who is reliant on state benefits travelled about a mile in a gold coach with her Greek husband to “open” the law-making assembly of the United Kingdom.

You are also saying that she was wearing a 10 metre long ermine cloak and a crown covered in diamonds, rubies, emeralds, sapphires and pearls and sat on a gold throne to inform her “subjects” that “her government” is going to pass laws to take away employment rights, civil liberties, social housing and will continue to make the vast majority of the lives of her “subjects” thoroughly miserable during the next five years. Suggesting that Michael Gove dressed up as Baron Hardup from the Cinderella pantomime handed her the speech proves that you should go home – you`re drunk. (more…)

May 4, 2015

On the doorstep

Via Atlantic Syndication

Via Atlantic Syndication

If you are fed up with election leaflets comprising of an airbrushed photograph, vague platitudes and rank negativity, spare a thought for the candidates who need to have them delivered. Let`s hear how the final weekend of the campaign is going. (more…)

March 23, 2015

World Cup Walsall

Filed under: Fiction,Walsall — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
Tags: ,

Walsall`s supreme leader

Scandal hit world football governing body FIFA has taken the extraordinary decision to relocate the 2018 World Cup away from Russia and stage the competition in the Metropolitan Borough of Walsall. In a further sensational development, FIFA supremo “Mr Football” Slap Bladdered has stepped down with immediate effect in order to spend more time with his money.

FIFA insist that the decision to withdraw from Russia is not due to the abuse of basic human rights, rampant corruption, the brutal murder of journalists and opposition leaders, the invasion of Ukraine or even the former host nation`s insistence on playing their group games at Chelsea`s Stamford Bridge. Instead, the emergence of Walsall as a world football powerhouse is the reason for this dramatic about face. Also the cheque from Vladimir Putin bounced. (more…)

December 19, 2014

Film 2015

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
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Via usvth3m.com

Via usvth3m.com

As a result of an unprecedented terrorist cyber attack, the lucrative North Korean film industry has withdrawn from release a new comedy film that depicts a plot to assassinate UK Communities minister Eric Pickles.

Described as a “harmless romp”, the movie that was produced in Pyongyang`s premier Japanese owned studio is thought to ridicule the Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government in a series of sexist and racially stereotypical sight gags with particular emphasis on his physical appearance, silly name and irrational egocentric behaviour. At various points in the film, Mr Pickles is compared to Jabba the Hut, a Soltaran from Doctor Who, Humpty Dumpty and even a complete and utter waste of space. (more…)

September 28, 2014

The secret diary of David Cameron aged 47⅞

Filed under: Fiction,Literature,Politics — theplastichippo @ 1:00 am
Tags: , , , ,
Lord Snooty via thecomicartwebsite.com

Lord Snooty via thecomicartwebsite.com

Saturday 27th September 2014

Woke up really early and was so excited because today is the day that I get to start my very own war. It`s really nice being in charge of the Royal Air Force but after I told them that they could, I`m a bit disappointed that they didn`t kill anybody on the first day.

Had breakfast; sugar puffs, boiled egg and soldiers and a glass of milk. When nanny wasn`t looking, I pinched a Hobnob from the biscuit barrel. Result.

Played Minecraft after breakfast. Lynton came storming in shouting some very rude words about being reckless. I could tell he was upset because he was shouting louder than usual and the swear-words were ruder as well. I have absolutely no idea what he was on about but he must be right because he is so clever and he is paid so much money. He left and I think he said that he was going to ring Michael Gove or he might have said that was going to wring Michael Gove`s neck. (more…)

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