The Plastic Hippo

March 18, 2017

Standard job description

Filed under: Fiction,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 3:00 am
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Image via Evening Standard

The owner of London`s biggest and best free sheet, cat litter and fish and chip wrapper is looking to recruit a dynamic yet compliant editor to take the flagship toxic rag forward during the inevitable disintegration of Europe and the rise of a new Russian Empire.

This exciting and demanding position is ideal for a self-starting, self-interested and self-obsessed wealthy white man with nothing very much to do. As an independent, unbiased agent of limited intellect and imagination, you will publish government press releases verbatim both in print and online and give voice to the proprietor and do as you are bloody well told. (more…)

March 1, 2017

From Russia with Love

Filed under: Fiction,History,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 5:06 am
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And the 45th President of the United States of America is...

And the 45th President of the United States of America is…

It is a little known but irrefutable alternative fact that secret medical experiments attempting to reverse death developed during the Cold War in the then Soviet Union are continuing under the democratically elected government of the free, fair and completely trustworthy Russian Federation.

The research into preserving life after death started innocently enough during the civil war that followed the Russian revolution of October 1917. Various attempts to create harmony by re-assembling dead Bolsheviks mixed with dead White Guard counter-revolutionaries ended in failure as did an unsuccessful revival of the Romanov family in the hope of putting them on trial for crimes against humanity. One happy by product of the endeavour resulted in Lenin leaving behind an absolutely magnificent corpse. (more…)

February 21, 2017

Corby

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 3:00 am
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corbyn
To: Gaz
From: Baz
2 hours ago
Message: This has come straight from Rupert. He is after more dirt to throw at Corby to make sure we secure the Sky deal. He`s is worried that our focus has slipped. Do me a hatchet job splash for tomorrow – 300 words and pictures asap – scruffy, disrespect to old soldiers, abuse of the flag, refusal to sig God Save the Quee – that sort of stuff. Get some iuedo as well. Basically, smear Corby till it squeaks. (more…)

February 19, 2017

Fake news

fishy
Dateline: Saturday 18th August 2017
Newly elected British Prime Minister Keir Starmer has caused further controversy just two days into office by signing a series of executive orders distancing the United Kingdom from formal agreements made by his predecessor with the government of the United States of America.

Mr Starmer`s meteoric ascendance to power is widely seen as a result of the Spring resignation of Jeremy Corbyn as Leader of the Labour Party and Leader of the Opposition. (more…)

January 16, 2017

Asteroid

Filed under: Fiction,Politics,Science,World — theplastichippo @ 1:59 am
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Incoming

Incoming

After a journey of trillions of miles taking thousands of light years, on Saturday 15th January 2017 an object about the size of a sofa originating in the Kuiper belt far beyond the orbit of the planet Neptune approached Earth at great speed.

Coming into existence during the formation of the solar system, about 4.5 billion years ago, the small lump of rock originally ejected during the Jovian disruption of the then protoplanet that would become Jupiter, fell into an elliptical orbit around the sun travelling out far beyond the orbit of Pluto. The object slowed down as it approached the outer edge of the solar system only to accelerate as it returned toward the sun. Each long orbit over unimaginable periods of time brought the rock closer and closer to Earth. Now travelling at a velocity approaching the speed of light, a collision would result in serious repercussions for life on the planet. (more…)

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