The Plastic Hippo

October 3, 2015

Red October

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:01 am
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Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn

It is June 2020 and Captain First Rank Jeremy Corbyn surveys the eastern seaboard of the United States from the conning tower of his recently surfaced Typhoon-class nuclear submarine. Equipped with an undetectable stealth drive propulsion unit and loaded with multiple warhead intercontinental ballistic missiles, his submarine represents the pinnacle of human ingenuity it its pursuit of the most efficient way to destroy humanity. (more…)

September 21, 2015

Very British ad hominem

Playing the man

Playing the man

Within the occult dark arts coven of British politics, it is evidentially clear that former MP and novelist Chris Mullin is a witch and should be immediately conveyed to the nearest village pond to be dunked in order to ascertain if he floats or sinks. In the early years of the first Thatcher government, the then Labour MP for Sunderland South and shameless supporter of the late Tony Benn concocted a fanciful yet amusing piece of fiction entitled “A Very British Coup”. The plot of this far-fetched political fantasy involves a left-wing working class Labour MP by the name of Harry Perkins unexpectedly becoming a British Prime Minister. (more…)

August 4, 2015

Summer 2016

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:06 am
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Severn Bridge Toll via

Severn Bridge Toll via

It is completely outrageous and totally unacceptable that my third holiday of the year should be disrupted by hoards of foreign scroungers attempting to cross our borders. The government must do something to prevent our once proud nation from descending into anarchy at the hands of so-called refugee shirkers intent on destroying our way of life. (more…)

July 10, 2015

Urgent travel advice

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
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There now follows an important message from the Department for Foreign Affairs issued by the Tunisian Government on Friday 10th July 2015.

“Citizens of Tunisia; your democratically elected government has been made aware of credible and serious threats to the safety and lives of the Tunisian people. Therefore, it is vital that any nationals currently residing in the United Kingdom should return home with immediate effect. Do not collect belongings or talk to your neighbours and make your way to the nearest airport. (more…)

May 28, 2015

Pull the other one

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:04 am
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All in this together

All in this together

Hang on a minute; just run that by me again. You are telling me that an incredibly wealthy woman of German decent who is reliant on state benefits travelled about a mile in a gold coach with her Greek husband to “open” the law-making assembly of the United Kingdom.

You are also saying that she was wearing a 10 metre long ermine cloak and a crown covered in diamonds, rubies, emeralds, sapphires and pearls and sat on a gold throne to inform her “subjects” that “her government” is going to pass laws to take away employment rights, civil liberties, social housing and will continue to make the vast majority of the lives of her “subjects” thoroughly miserable during the next five years. Suggesting that Michael Gove dressed up as Baron Hardup from the Cinderella pantomime handed her the speech proves that you should go home – you`re drunk. (more…)

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