The Plastic Hippo

August 4, 2015

Summer 2016

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:06 am
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Severn Bridge Toll via

Severn Bridge Toll via

It is completely outrageous and totally unacceptable that my third holiday of the year should be disrupted by hoards of foreign scroungers attempting to cross our borders. The government must do something to prevent our once proud nation from descending into anarchy at the hands of so-called refugee shirkers intent on destroying our way of life. (more…)

July 10, 2015

Urgent travel advice

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
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There now follows an important message from the Department for Foreign Affairs issued by the Tunisian Government on Friday 10th July 2015.

“Citizens of Tunisia; your democratically elected government has been made aware of credible and serious threats to the safety and lives of the Tunisian people. Therefore, it is vital that any nationals currently residing in the United Kingdom should return home with immediate effect. Do not collect belongings or talk to your neighbours and make your way to the nearest airport. (more…)

May 28, 2015

Pull the other one

Filed under: Fiction — theplastichippo @ 2:04 am
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All in this together

All in this together

Hang on a minute; just run that by me again. You are telling me that an incredibly wealthy woman of German decent who is reliant on state benefits travelled about a mile in a gold coach with her Greek husband to “open” the law-making assembly of the United Kingdom.

You are also saying that she was wearing a 10 metre long ermine cloak and a crown covered in diamonds, rubies, emeralds, sapphires and pearls and sat on a gold throne to inform her “subjects” that “her government” is going to pass laws to take away employment rights, civil liberties, social housing and will continue to make the vast majority of the lives of her “subjects” thoroughly miserable during the next five years. Suggesting that Michael Gove dressed up as Baron Hardup from the Cinderella pantomime handed her the speech proves that you should go home – you`re drunk. (more…)

May 4, 2015

On the doorstep

Via Atlantic Syndication

Via Atlantic Syndication

If you are fed up with election leaflets comprising of an airbrushed photograph, vague platitudes and rank negativity, spare a thought for the candidates who need to have them delivered. Let`s hear how the final weekend of the campaign is going. (more…)

March 23, 2015

World Cup Walsall

Filed under: Fiction,Walsall — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
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Walsall`s supreme leader

Scandal hit world football governing body FIFA has taken the extraordinary decision to relocate the 2018 World Cup away from Russia and stage the competition in the Metropolitan Borough of Walsall. In a further sensational development, FIFA supremo “Mr Football” Slap Bladdered has stepped down with immediate effect in order to spend more time with his money.

FIFA insist that the decision to withdraw from Russia is not due to the abuse of basic human rights, rampant corruption, the brutal murder of journalists and opposition leaders, the invasion of Ukraine or even the former host nation`s insistence on playing their group games at Chelsea`s Stamford Bridge. Instead, the emergence of Walsall as a world football powerhouse is the reason for this dramatic about face. Also the cheque from Vladimir Putin bounced. (more…)

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