Scandal hit world football governing body FIFA has taken the extraordinary decision to relocate the 2018 World Cup away from Russia and stage the competition in the Metropolitan Borough of Walsall. In a further sensational development, FIFA supremo “Mr Football” Slap Bladdered has stepped down with immediate effect in order to spend more time with his money.
FIFA insist that the decision to withdraw from Russia is not due to the abuse of basic human rights, rampant corruption, the brutal murder of journalists and opposition leaders, the invasion of Ukraine or even the former host nation`s insistence on playing their group games at Chelsea`s Stamford Bridge. Instead, the emergence of Walsall as a world football powerhouse is the reason for this dramatic about face. Also the cheque from Vladimir Putin bounced. (more…)
As a result of an unprecedented terrorist cyber attack, the lucrative North Korean film industry has withdrawn from release a new comedy film that depicts a plot to assassinate UK Communities minister Eric Pickles.
Described as a “harmless romp”, the movie that was produced in Pyongyang`s premier Japanese owned studio is thought to ridicule the Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government in a series of sexist and racially stereotypical sight gags with particular emphasis on his physical appearance, silly name and irrational egocentric behaviour. At various points in the film, Mr Pickles is compared to Jabba the Hut, a Soltaran from Doctor Who, Humpty Dumpty and even a complete and utter waste of space. (more…)
Lord Snooty via thecomicartwebsite.com
Saturday 27th September 2014
Woke up really early and was so excited because today is the day that I get to start my very own war. It`s really nice being in charge of the Royal Air Force but after I told them that they could, I`m a bit disappointed that they didn`t kill anybody on the first day.
Had breakfast; sugar puffs, boiled egg and soldiers and a glass of milk. When nanny wasn`t looking, I pinched a Hobnob from the biscuit barrel. Result.
Played Minecraft after breakfast. Lynton came storming in shouting some very rude words about being reckless. I could tell he was upset because he was shouting louder than usual and the swear-words were ruder as well. I have absolutely no idea what he was on about but he must be right because he is so clever and he is paid so much money. He left and I think he said that he was going to ring Michael Gove or he might have said that was going to wring Michael Gove`s neck. (more…)
The BBC has today found itself at the centre of controversy as thousands of confused viewers and listener jammed the corporation`s switchboard with complaints of baffling, inaccurate and misleading news reporting. Concerned licence-fee payers noticed that erroneous news items were being broadcast that contained more than the usual disconnection from reality. Important issues were ignored and global events were said to be taking place in completely different parts of the world.
The transcript of one news bulletin obtained by elements of the subversive press indicates the seriousness of the problem. It reads: (more…)
Image via @ErrorGorilla
Now that state broadcaster Farage 24 has declared Nigel Farage to be the winner of both the 2014 and the 2015 General Elections, the publicly funded station can return to its bumper, post-election summer schedule.
Warning small children of the dangers of being foreign.
7-15am Purple Peter
Peter, Val, John and Shep the dog show you how to protect Tracy Island using sticky back plastic.
8-00am Grange Hill
Gritty teenage drama set in an expensive public school. (more…)