The Plastic Hippo

June 2, 2016

Andalucia

Filed under: Fiction,Politics,World — theplastichippo @ 1:59 am
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Generalissimo

Generalissimo

Muchachas y los amigos de España; the great kingdom of Spain faces an unprecedented existential crisis brought about by unregulated immigration actively encouraged by faceless, unelected Eurocrats. Spain is full and we must take back control of our borders. Many hard working Spanish families no longer recognise their own pueblito and Spanish is no longer the most commonly spoken language at the bodega or village fiesta. Clearly, high unemployment, financial deficit, debt and the appearance of Lionel Messi in the Panama Papers accused of tax avoidance are all directly linked to uncontrolled immigration and not anything at all to do with the performance of government.

So, to protect our God-given sovereignty and to regain our inalienable right to deflect attention from inadequacy by blaming a group of people who just happen to be foreign, we will introduce an Andalucian points based immigration system. (more…)

February 9, 2016

Serial re-offenders

Usual suspects via some image agency or other

Usual suspects via some image agency or other

By promising significant improvements to an antiquated penal system, David Cameron has guaranteed a lasting legacy that will reverse the causes of criminality and the horrific downward spiral of recidivist degeneracy. Now elevated into the pantheon of enlightened reformers, Cameron`s “biggest shake-up of prisons since the Victorian era” places him along side worthy emancipationists including former Home Secretary Michael Howard, the inspiration behind the Howard League for Penal Reform, and Elizabeth Fry, the inventor of Fry`s Turkish Delight. From now on, the only porridge served will be Quaker Oats. (more…)

January 20, 2016

Caller on line one

Filed under: Fiction,Media,Music,Politics — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
Tags: ,
Image via David Fisher Rex Features

Image via David Fisher Rex Features

”And that was Life on Mars by David Bowie; a musical legend and the man who changed the world. In this hour we discuss Britain`s nuclear deterrent. Trident; good or bad, right or wrong, vital or irrelevant, fried or boiled, salt or pepper, indiscriminate weapon of mass destruction or the ultimate insurance policy? Have your say by calling our usual number.

Our first caller is Abraham from Barking. Hello Abraham, what would you like to say about Trident? Good or bad, right or wrong, vital or… (more…)

January 14, 2016

Vacant situations

Filed under: Fiction,Politics — theplastichippo @ 12:01 am
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Via shoutoutuk.org

Via shoutoutuk.org

Due to unprecedented success and expansion, Her Majesty`s government is seeking to recruit further high quality senior executives across a broad range of disciplines to consolidate and develop corporate excellence going forward. We require high-end, front-facing, hands-on, self-starting, low-maintenance, top class professionals with a proven track record of leadership, innovation, accountability, robust scrutiny, sound economic judgement and previous extensive experience in the scapegoat sector. (more…)

January 9, 2016

1990

Filed under: Fiction,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 11:00 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Get down John, you`re not the PM

Get down John, you`re not the PM

Amid allegations of political bias and the blatant disregard of balanced impartiality, the BBC has once again provoked a storm of outrage and a flood of complaints. This latest controversy centres on senior political correspondent Valerie Singleton`s attempt to interfere with the democratic process by asking former Chancellor of the Exchequer Sir Geoffrey Howe if he might be considering his position as a member of the government. (more…)

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