The Plastic Hippo

November 23, 2016

Our man in Diego Garcia

Filed under: Fiction,Law,Media,Politics,World — theplastichippo @ 2:30 am
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Alice and the Dodo by John Tenniel

Alice and the Dodo by John Tenniel

November 2017 – in a surprise move announced by the Foreign Office, former leader of UKIP and renown international diplomat Sir Nigel Farage, PhD, OBE, VC and bar, has been appointed as the next Commissioner of the British Indian Ocean Territory of the Chagos Archipelago. His previous position as Governor General of the Falkland Islands came to an end after 100 per cent of Falkland islanders voted to make Spanish the official language, rename the islands Las Malvinas, accept Argentine citizenship and pledge alliance to whatever government happens to be meeting in Buenos Aries. Sir Nigel achieved this remarkable feat just six months after arriving in Port Stanley.

Prior to successfully strutting around in a big hat covered in feathers, Lord Farage of Brussels was appointed as UK ambassador to the Cayman Islands by former President Donald Trump but when ex-President Trump was impeached on charges of tax evasion even before his inauguration and his replacement ex-President Pence was declared clinically insane after accusing his pet lizard of being bisexual, the current President Michelle Obama removed man of the people Farage from the tax haven and Brussels and removed his fingers from the till.

Sources close to the new Foreign Secretary, Gina Miller, have denied that pressure from the BBC, ITN and Channel 4 to move Farage as far away from their news studios as possible influenced the decision to post him to the Indian Ocean and it is thought that other shortlisted locations including St Helena and the Moon would not necessarily deter the failed people`s champion from shameless attention seeking and a desperate need for lots of money for doing absolutely nothing (more…)

November 17, 2016


Filed under: Law,Politics,Rights — theplastichippo @ 3:00 pm
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Boris Johnson kissing a fish

Boris Johnson kissing a fish

It would seem that our newly appointed Foreign Secretary equates European trade and unity, international détente, the globalised market and the free movement of people with the sale of Italian prosecco. The sad fact is; the newly appointed Foreign Secretary and the newly appointed Prime Minister are proving themselves to be something of an embarrassment to the United Kingdom and sadly renders us as the laughing stock of the world second only to the United States of America.

Boris Johnson is a complete and utter idiot. He may have a classics degree and can quote Ovid and Heraclitus with the ease of an inbred automaton coached in the language of privilege, but he remains a dangerous liability. His surprising elevation to Foreign Secretary might at first glance seem both bizarre and astonishing but it is, in fact, the nearest thing that Theresa “Baldrick” May has in terms of a cunning plan to remove the UK from the European Union. If anyone is qualified to scupper an exit, then Boris Johnson is the buffoon stupid enough to do the scuppering. (more…)

November 7, 2016

Nine angry men

Filed under: Law,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 4:00 am
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Juror 3

Juror 3

On the surface, it would seem to be highly unlikely that the small group of newspaper proprietors and editors currently screaming with incandescent rage in the general direction of the judiciary would take comfort from scripture found in the Bible. However, a quick look at Ephesians Chapter 4 Verses 26 and 27, “Be angry and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil” (New King James Version) might just calm a savage breast. On the other hand, given a history of misrepresentation, duplicity, vitriolic sensationalism and even criminality, the hacks and their masters would probably interpret the text as “Anger is holy; blood and vengeance will be ours. The devil works for us.”

It is interesting to note that the overwhelming will of the people to leave the European Union has roughly divided the nation in half and the demands to ignore parliamentary democracy and dispense with the rule of law are being championed and, indeed, provoked by the same small group of people who demanded parliamentary democracy and the rule of law. The simple man and woman in the street who voted against being shackled to the whims of an unelected faceless bureaucracy and who supported taking back control of our sovereignty, borders and laws must now be a little confused. The bile and opprobrium being hurled at anyone who lacks the basic decency to accept the result of the European referendum had become as venomously shrill as it is darkly sinister. It seems that judges are “enemies of the people” and a part of a “loaded foreign elite” intent on the betrayal of the British people and high treason against the crown. With the judiciary enacting exactly what the Leave campaign wanted, it is difficult to understand what has caused this massive loss of rationality and even dignity within a “loaded foreign elite” without the common decency to accept the ruling of the High Court to preserve the sovereignty of the UK parliament. Obviously, these nine angry men expect and deserve the right to privacy for themselves and their families and it is no surprise that they should be reclusive and rather shy. Sadly, that is not a right that they bestow upon the members of the public that they are happy to prey upon. (more…)

November 5, 2016

New Model Army

November 5th 2017 – Sporadic fighting continues as skirmishes between rival factions in the English Civil War Part Two bring national misery and international derision. The Prime Minister, King Theresa May the First remains vehement that the Divine Right of Unelected Prime Ministers trumps the sovereignty of elected MPs and a subversive and unpatriotic parliament. The King maintains that no running commentary will be given regarding England taking leave of its senses; cards will not be put on the table and there will be no blow by blow account of England taking leave of the planet. So there… the King has spoken and the King has been chosen by Almighty God and not by the Conservative Party, or parliament, for that matter, the electorate.

The latest battles to take place between Cavalier royalists and Roundhead parliamentarians focuses on England`s overwhelming desire by 52 per cent to 48 per cent to sever allegiances with King Louis XIV of France, the Duchy of Lorraine, the Prince-Bishopric of Strasbourg and Ferdinand III of the Holy Roman Empire. The English people have clearly rejected various foreign treaties, protocols and declarations made in foreign places like Schengen, Maastricht, Amsterdam, Nice or Lisbon and wish to preserve the unique Roman, Viking and Norman Englishness of England by closing our borders to bloody foreigners. (more…)

November 3, 2016

Once bitten

Who let the dogs out?

Who let the dogs out?

It is a source of constant delight and unexpected entertainment that a news agenda varying between the absurd and the terrifying should provide a story that requires no less than Michael Heseltine to vehemently deny that he killed his mother`s pet Alsatian dog by strangulation. Quoted in the Tatler magazine, the former Deputy Prime Minister originally claimed that the dog Kim had started to exhibit irrational violence so my Lord Heseltine “took Kim`s collar – a sort of choke chain – and pulled it tight. Suddenly he went limp. I was devoted to Kim, but he`d obviously had some sort of mental breakdown. There was no choice.” Tarzan might have been on safe ground with the readership of the Tatler, but animal lovers and the RSPCA took umbrage at this conservative approach to dealing with canine mental illness and Heseltine changed his story to claim that Kim was later taken to a Vet and mercifully put down. (more…)

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