Picasso sketch 1964
O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention to describe just how bloody wonderful it is to be an Englishman living in these joyous times.
Firstly we celebrated 90 glorious years of divine monarchy dedicating a lifetime of hollow crown duty by waving a lot and having to endure the permanent smell of fresh paint. Then we commemorated our holy English values as epitomised by our noble patron Saint George. As with most versions of English history, George`s origins and ethnicity are a little vague. He might have been born in Cappadocia which would make him a Turk or he might have been born in the Roman province of Syria Palaestina which roughly translates as either Syria or Palestine. What is certain is that he was not born within the concrete O of the M25, he did not speak English and his dragon slaying activities took place far away from Albion in a place called Beirut. Crying God for Harry, England and Agios Georgios might make you sound… well… a bit foreign. (more…)
If we accept the old Spanish proverb that suggests a wise man is capable of changing his mind but a fool never will, I hereby tender my wisdom credentials by conceding that for a number of years I have been completely wrong about Iain Duncan Smith.
This damascene moment of realisation coincides with other glaring errors now mercifully reversed and corrected. I can only offer heartfelt apologies for years of snide invective, defamation, grubby insults and ignorant left-wing dogma based on the politics of envy. (more…)
Via Stefan Rousseau Reuters
With just four short months to go, preparations for the summer solstice have hit fever pitch with the announcement of a self-selected all-England Morris Dancing team to challenge the world. The six most honest, intelligent, hard-working and photogenic synchronised handkerchief wavers have finally stepped out from the shadow of collective ministerial responsibility and can now campaign for patriotism unfettered, un-gagged and, if the first 24 hour hours is anything to go by, more than a little unhinged. With Boris Johnson sewing flowers into his hat and strapping bells to his knees and elbows, English Morris Dancing is certain to enjoy a tumultuous resurgence. (more…)
It seems that February will offer no respite from the relentless onslaught of public loss and collective grief that January inflicted upon a heartbroken society. With the murder of a mother and her two children described by West Yorkshire Police as “a domestic incident” and another mother imprisoned for committing “an act of terrorism” by travelling to Syria to escape domestic violence, the nation must once again be brave in the face of the terrible realisation that after years of unfounded speculation, Lord Lucan is now officially, irrefutably and most definitely dead.
Apparently the son of the murderous peer wishes to inherit the family title and some bizarrely sensationalist press accounts suggest that the former “lucky” Lucan was eaten by a tiger. The fact that a woman was bludgeoned to death cannot be allowed to distract from irresistible speculation regarding the British aristocracy and their dysfunctional lifestyles. If the official passing of legendary icon and national treasure Lucan is difficult to endure, then the tragic loss of any credibility remotely attributable to the current British government in terms of strategic negotiation will propel the fragile populous into despair. Legendary icon, national treasure and minor aristocrat David Cameron will be remembered forever as a man who never once played bass in Motorhead. (more…)
After a busy January, show business editors, arts correspondents and the poor souls buried in film archives will be looking through their fingers at an approaching February and the next tranche of celebrity demise. Even the most imaginative authors of obituaries must be struggling to construct an original sentence containing mandatory terms of deferential respect such as icon, legend, national treasure, hugely influential and never to be forgotten. There are times when “person of advancing years with a health condition dies after an illness” simply will not do.
In this information technology age, smart eulogists could simply set up a template, load in a bunch of algorithms and the piece will compose itself well before the print deadline or broadcast. Age (veteran, popular, up and coming), occupation (actor, musician, entertainer, politician,); cause of death (drugs, drink, terminal medical condition, the discharging of a firearm) and a few vintage photographic images guarantees immortality for the sadly deceased and a job well done by the busy hack. (more…)