The Plastic Hippo

July 5, 2014

Ready to Rumble



Just when you start to think that politics could not descend any further into the cesspit of disgraceful opportunism, along comes another piece of low life ready to plumb new depths of disrespect.

Wolverhampton councillor Bob Jones was elected as the first Police and Crime Commissioner for the West Midlands on November 15th 2012. He died suddenly on Tuesday 1st July 2014 aged 59. By all accounts and judging from the many tributes paid to him from across the political spectrum, he was very good at his job even though he stated that Police and Crime Commissioners were not a terribly good idea in a mature and open democracy. Those that knew him and even those that politically opposed him are unanimous in their admiration for this good and honest man. (more…)

May 3, 2014

Catch a tiger by the toe

Filed under: Express and Swastika,Media,Wolverhampton — theplastichippo @ 4:00 am
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Farage via

Farage via

I never use the words poisonous unfunny pillock and would never use them apart from on those occasions when I actually use them or when describing Jeremy Clarkson. In that last sentence I did everything humanly possible not to use those words and I beg for your forgiveness as I am now informed that I mistakenly, accidently and inadvertently used them even though I hate them and never, ever use them. Whoever leaked the footage to the Daily Mirror will be taken outside and executed in front of their families.

In many ways, Jeremy Clarkson is a national treasure. He is a national treasure in that he should be illegally taken to a deserted island in the middle of an ocean, buried and then forgotten about. (more…)

March 9, 2014

Educating Archie

Filed under: Politics,Wolverhampton — theplastichippo @ 9:15 pm
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Image via

Image via

The notion of featuring a ventriloquist act on a radio show might at first seem preposterous but producers at the BBC way back in the 1950s realised that comedy works because of content rather than presentation.

In these dark days of wars and rumours of wars, thank goodness we have entertainers still offering some light relief from the gloom and doom with their jolly japes and funny stories. This week we have been treated with the Prime Minister`s hilarious phone skit exposed on social media and Lord Biro of the Bus Pass Elvis Party beating the Liberal Democrats in a local authority by election. If deciding to put a ventriloquist act on the radio wasn`t funny enough, this week we also had perhaps the most amusing comic caper of all involving the antics of the MP for Wolverhampton South West on some dreadful local radio show.

Proving himself to be just as funny as Peter Brough and Archie Andrews, Paul Uppal MP had his audience in stitches with his faux outrage routine slamming the reckless spending and financial incompetence of Wolverhampton council. Stopping just short of foaming at the mouth and drinking a glass of water as he spoke, Mr Uppal raged at the council for (more…)

August 6, 2013

Irony`s last will and testament

Dean Perks image via

Dean Perks image via

Ukip, being of unsound mind and decaying body, hereby bequeath all its worldly bonkers ideas to the nation in perpetuity.

Dean Perks is almost certainly a fine, decent, hard-working self-employed builder and that unfortunate misunderstanding with Her Majesty`s Revenue and Customs was, I`m sure, due to a simple error that any small businessperson can make but is yet another example of EU tax extortion of decent, hard-working British citizens. Similarly, saying: “Sharia Law in my opinion it works as a prevention and prevention is better than cure. If you think you are going to get your hand chopped off for pinching something you won`t pinch it” is a simple error that any prospective Ukip parliamentary candidate for Halesowen and Rowley Regis can make. Mr Perks was addressing a massed rally of the Ukip faithful in the back room of a pub in Coventry and was advising his supporters and a passing dog of the dangers of social media. He told his followers to be careful of expressing any opinion on the internet thingy because Ukip might get found out. Sadly, his wise words to the bemused audience of old, white, slightly portly male technophobes were recorded and ended up on social media. (more…)

July 21, 2013

The Royal Hunt of the Sun

Image via

Image via

It cannot be easy being the commissioner of the Metropolitan Police or, for that matter, a Chief or Assistant Chief Constable of various other dwindling constabularies. Imagine having to spend your working day outside your HQ talking to cameras to explain that yet more lessons have been learnt, yet more lines in the sand have been drawn and issuing yet another appeal for calm and information.

If tackling crime and keeping us safe wasn`t difficult enough, pity the poor plod who has to deal with a half-wit of the calibre of Home Secretary Theresa May and yet another overweight, bald, wealthy white man in the shape of Justice Secretary Chris Grayling. However, even in the face of such adversity and even with 14,000 fewer police officers since the coalition regime assumed power recorded crime has decreased by a massive seven per cent. Experts and analysts have expressed their delight, surprise and bafflement that such a dramatic decline in bad things happening has been achieved in the teeth of economic ruin and Tory politicians` bellow of actual evidence of recovery even as they line their own corrupt pockets. But it was left to the BBC Conservative press office to give the most elegant of explanations to this unexpected fall in the level of crime. It seems that our collective unconscious has been so disgusted by the violence of the twentieth century that society has turned its back on wrongdoing and we are all now much nicer people. Do you see those people running around and jumping up to try and catch straws in the gale? That`s the BBC, that is. (more…)

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