The Plastic Hippo

October 24, 2016

A letter from the jungle

Just outside Dover - 24th October 2018

Just outside Dover – 24th October 2018

Dear Mum,

Just a quick note to let you and Dad know that I am fine and that you should not worry about what you saw on the news last night because I kept well away from the trouble and although a few bullets did come through my tent, they missed me. Sadly, the tent got destroyed when the eviction squads set fire to the camp this morning.

The soldiers came back a dawn and handed out leaflets giving us our instructions. We have to report to a shower block just outside the camp. After they have hosed us down we will be transferred by lorry to “re-settlement areas” where dental tests will be taken to find out which of us still support the European Union. Patriotic English citizens will be put to work building Britain`s infrastructure on a zero hour basis and Irish, Welsh and Scottish welfare tourists will be deported to the Isle of Man. Those still supporting the EU will be sent to “re-education centres” for lessons in patriotism, loyalty, gratitude and servitude. Don`t worry, that`s not going to happen to me. If only I hadn`t written that stupid blog criticising the government. (more…)

October 20, 2016

Warp and weft

Self harm

Self harm

In those far-off heady days during the European referendum campaign, some of us hoped that the deranged musings of idiots, borderline fascists, actual racists, scaremongers and various prophets of doom would end once the British people had made their historic decision. The preposterous and obviously false claims and counter-claims from both sides cheapened the debate to the state of pointless and partisan bickering and made for a contest between an unbelievably duplicitous Remain campaign and an unbelievably duplicitous Leave campaign. Sadly, the return to common sense and the status quo of generally harmless whopping great lies has, to evoke the civil rights credentials of Prime Minister Theresa May, been a long time coming. Instead, the ravings of some very strange people which were once instantly dismissed as just a part of the comedic warp and weft of society are now being accepted as potentially valid, possibly true and even something less than a complete insult to basic humanity. (more…)

October 18, 2016

Fourteen

Filed under: Education,Faith,Media,Politics,Rights,World — theplastichippo @ 1:59 am
Tags: , , , , ,
Via aljazeera.com

Via aljazeera.com

As the sublimely wonderful Stevie Wonder so eloquently pointed out, if you believe in things that you don`t understand; you suffer – superstition ain`t the way. It is a distinct possibility that what separates religion from superstition is the comparative definition of faith and idiocy but when politics, the economy and policies ranging from health, education and immigration seem to be pulled from magic hats by black cats and chimney sweeps, tarot readings and the most transparent of crystal balls now pass for governance.

The French, during what became known as la belle époque between the Franco Prussian War and the First World War, invented a delightful compromise between religion and superstition by creating a new and lucrative career. Realising that 13 sitting down to dinner would result in terrible bad luck because that was the number taking part in the last supper, professional dinner party guests could be employed to make up the 14. Known as “Quatorzièmes”, these witty raconteurs could expect free food and drink in exchange for some outrageous banter the more scandalous and questionable the better. Inadvertently, the early “Quatorzièmes” paved the way for 21st century politicians and professional controversialist to make money and expect free food and drink by spreading outrageous, scandalous and questionable banter. (more…)

September 30, 2016

Innocence

Via thesimpsons

Via thesimpsons

There was a time when hard work, integrity, honesty, diligence and morality were considered as rewards in themselves for any duty, task or employment but in an age when hypocrisy and negligence are essential requirements on the job description for public office, exemption from scrutiny and responsibility are as important as financial rewards. It would seem that dismissal, either fair or unfair, is unthinkable. Resignation from any post as a result of malpractice, maladministration or malfeasance is now a half-forgotten relic of some bygone age. Corruption can expect to be ignored, incompetence attracts reward and being caught red handed on the fiddle can be explained away as a simple human error.

With an elite now in a constant state of denial regarding culpability and trust, it comes as no surprise to find a bang to rights bent England football manager offering “entrapment” as a defence against being greedy, stupid and corrupt. Mercifully, he parts company amicably with a meagre pay off of one million after one game. Similarly, we discover that the world`s best cyclist suffers from asthma (more…)

December 3, 2015

Stop the pigeon

Via fortunecookie.co

Via fortunecookie.co

There are occasions when the only alternative to utter despair at the sheer stupidity of mankind is to laugh out loud at the absurdity of political power. Gallows humour might be in appalling taste but sometimes laughter is the last resort against a desolate absence of hope. If you didn`t laugh, you would weep uncontrollably.

Elected representatives in the House of Commons have voted to extend an existing air war in Iraq into Syria in the hope of destroying an enemy and ending a reign of terror. This might be a noble motive but what has been confirmed is that a large number of MPs have difficulty in understanding anything more complex than a soft boiled egg with soldiers made of toast. (more…)

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