The Plastic Hippo

January 8, 2017

Tess of the Uber Viles

In her strides

In her strides

If ghosts actually exist and if they do exist are capable of exhaling, then the ghost of Frederick North, second Earl of Guilford and Tory Prime Minister between 1770 and 1782 will be expelling an enormous sigh of relief at the moment. After 235 years of being generally considered as the most useless, indolent, weak and shallow British Prime Minister devoid of any leadership quality, he now finds himself in third place in that particular race to the bottom.

Lord North might be remembered as the Prime Minister who lost the Americas and fought numerous European wars against the French, Spanish, Dutch and just about anybody else. He even manufactured his own Falkland crisis in 1770 in order to fuel tensions between former allies France and Spain and won the conflict simply because of the dominance of the Royal Navy. Sadly, the Royal Navy, built on the proceeds of plunder, slavery and brutal colonialism could not secure victory in the American War of Independence. The irony that the American Navy some 242 years later could not defend America`s independence will not be lost on Vladimir Putin. (more…)

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May 26, 2015

Suprise, surprise

Lucille Balls

Lucille Balls

Cor blimey, strike a light, lawks a mercy you could knock me down with a feather Mary Poppins and no mistake. As we bask in the consolidation of traditional British values of not liking foreigners and poor people very much, imagine the horror and incredulity at discovering that the banks have been acting illegally again…and again…and again. I didn`t see that one coming and I am shocked – shocked I tell you – that one or maybe two bad apples have yet again besmirched the impeccable reputation of our entrepreneurial financial wealth creators. Never mind, no harm done, lessons have been learned and it`s time to draw a line and move on. No arrests have been made. (more…)

May 11, 2015

Willow, Portillo, Tit Willow

Via Sydney Morning Herald

The snag with silver linings is that they are invariably accompanied by enormous, dark and threatening clouds. Quite how the UK electorate decided on another five years of Cameron, free at last of those pesky Liberal Democrats, is as baffling as it is disturbing.

It is as if the populous are channelling their collective unconscious duty after centuries of serfdom into obedience of aristocratic masters. Perhaps we have become a nation of masochists or we are possibly suffering a mass outbreak of Stockholm syndrome. It`s not good, but that`s how democracy works and the result has to be accepted because the result is the will of the people. Daubing graffiti on war memorials and chucking traffic cones at policemen is as sensible as invading the pitch after the skilled away team scores a goal against the useless home team. It`s not that Labour were useless, it`s that Lynton Crosby and that American bloke were more clever and more ruthless. (more…)

April 9, 2015

Four weeks to go

By yon bonnie banks

By yon bonnie banks

There was a time when clairvoyance, mind-reading, second sight and extrasensory perception were considered to be witchcraft and anyone speaking in tongues would be burnt at the stake or thrown into a duck pond to see if they floated or not. In this more enlightened age, we allow desperate politicians to dabble in the dark arts free from any threat of inquisition, scrutiny or comparison to the relative buoyancy of an average mallard. (more…)

February 5, 2015

Selective Amnesia

I`m not as drink as thinkle peep I am.

I`m not as drink as thinkle peep I am.

There is more to Ed Balls than an inherently funny name and there is much to criticise beyond him forgetting some bloke`s name on a late-night TV interview after a long day and a few glasses of Pinot Gris. Conflating a lapse of memory as evidence of a dastardly political plot to undermine capitalism is on a par with accusing David Cameron of child neglect because he forgot to take his daughter home from the pub after a photo opportunity.

It is absurd to score childish points over simple human mistakes when real failings are being ignored. Cameron is proving to be the most disastrous Prime Minister in history and Balls has only been spared the ignominy of being remembered as the worst Education Secretary ever by having the good fortune to be succeeded by the very strange Michael Gove. Balls current opposite number, almost certainly a half-wit, remains unchallenged on his blatant lies and his unfortunate habit of turning up at the House of Commons apparently off his face on what might, or might not, be a major contributor to the gross national product of both Peru and Colombia. Still, at least George Osborne can remember the names of Tory donors by adding “Sir” or “Lord”. (more…)

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