The Plastic Hippo

December 4, 2016

Zacked

Do you mean that the plebs actually drink this stuff?

Do you mean that the plebs actually drink this stuff?

There is something irresistibly delicious in witnessing a pompous, privileged, and ultimately pathological politician unceremoniously dumped by a savvy electorate. Frank Zacharias Robin “Zac” Goldsmith is the latest arrogant yet complacent buffoon to be subject to the will of the people; a people who are much better off for seeing the back of him.

The 1997 General Election was defined by the “Portillo Moment” when, in the wee small hours, the scale of the Conservative defeat became horribly clear. Later, in 2015, when Douglas Alexander and the now ubiquitous Ed Balls were voted off by their judges, the scale of the Conservative victory became obvious. Equally fascinating was the sight and sound of Liberal Democrat collaborators like Danny Alexander, Vince Cable, Ed Davey, Simon Hughes and David Laws being given the old heave-ho and thus confining their political party to the final reduction on the beyond its sell by date shelf. But the sublime pleasure derived from watching the odious Esther McVey and the repellent George Galloway being given their marching orders proved to be the most joyous of all hook slinging directives. The boy Goldsmith now joins the ranks of failed and misplaced ambition not once, but twice. (more…)

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October 24, 2016

A letter from the jungle

Just outside Dover - 24th October 2018

Just outside Dover – 24th October 2018

Dear Mum,

Just a quick note to let you and Dad know that I am fine and that you should not worry about what you saw on the news last night because I kept well away from the trouble and although a few bullets did come through my tent, they missed me. Sadly, the tent got destroyed when the eviction squads set fire to the camp this morning.

The soldiers came back a dawn and handed out leaflets giving us our instructions. We have to report to a shower block just outside the camp. After they have hosed us down we will be transferred by lorry to “re-settlement areas” where dental tests will be taken to find out which of us still support the European Union. Patriotic English citizens will be put to work building Britain`s infrastructure on a zero hour basis and Irish, Welsh and Scottish welfare tourists will be deported to the Isle of Man. Those still supporting the EU will be sent to “re-education centres” for lessons in patriotism, loyalty, gratitude and servitude. Don`t worry, that`s not going to happen to me. If only I hadn`t written that stupid blog criticising the government. (more…)

October 22, 2016

Treason

nooseAt first glance, the story of an obscure Tory councillor creating an online petition demanding that anyone who still supports membership of the European Union be charged with treason smacks of a crude attempt at humour and is obviously a very weak joke. A second glance would confirm the hoax as the petition is in the name of a councillor Christian Holliday who represents the Burpham ward in the delightful town of Guildford. If a councillor Cruella de Winterval representing nearby Effingham had demanded the re-introduction of thumbscrews and the rack into the criminal justice system, the joke would not have been more obvious. However, a third glance reveals the treason petition story to be true and a bizarre invention called Christian Holliday actually exists and wishes to “amend the Treason Felony Act to make supporting UK membership of the EU a crime.”

It seems that the petition has been taken down and a Guildford councillor has been suspended by the local Tory party. No doubt the councillor will complain of censorship, an attack on free speech and a liberal elite conspiring to bring about the end of democracy but will then slide deservedly back into obscurity where he will not cause too much damage. That a councillor, let alone a Tory councillor, should prove to be a complete and utter idiot is not unexpected news but, as a symptom of the collective emotional breakdown currently debilitating the nation, the thought that this kind of nonsense could ever be considered as even remotely appropriate is much more troublesome. (more…)

September 30, 2016

Innocence

Via thesimpsons

Via thesimpsons

There was a time when hard work, integrity, honesty, diligence and morality were considered as rewards in themselves for any duty, task or employment but in an age when hypocrisy and negligence are essential requirements on the job description for public office, exemption from scrutiny and responsibility are as important as financial rewards. It would seem that dismissal, either fair or unfair, is unthinkable. Resignation from any post as a result of malpractice, maladministration or malfeasance is now a half-forgotten relic of some bygone age. Corruption can expect to be ignored, incompetence attracts reward and being caught red handed on the fiddle can be explained away as a simple human error.

With an elite now in a constant state of denial regarding culpability and trust, it comes as no surprise to find a bang to rights bent England football manager offering “entrapment” as a defence against being greedy, stupid and corrupt. Mercifully, he parts company amicably with a meagre pay off of one million after one game. Similarly, we discover that the world`s best cyclist suffers from asthma (more…)

August 31, 2016

Fairness, justice and wishful thinking

Filed under: Media,Politics,Society,Sport,World — theplastichippo @ 3:00 am
Tags: , , , , ,
Core values

Core values

As August departs in a blaze of sunshine, with a resigned sigh we contemplate an autumn of discontent and a winter of absolute, all consuming misery. As seasons go; silly is too narrow a definition to contain the output of our noble, balanced and independent media. Based on current output, perhaps we should introduce a seasonal banding system for when politicians take August as a holiday to elevate silliness beyond the merely plain daft. In front of every silver lining is a bloody great big black cloud.

Super silly season would cover or, indeed, uncover any of the nonsense coming out of France at the moment. Mega silly season could define the USA in an election year and silly beyond the point of reasonable belief would characterise the actions of Labour Party members during another leadership election and the media`s utterly bizarre reporting of a political party running out of feet to shoot. We can, however, take comfort in traditional silly season hokum. (more…)

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