The Plastic Hippo

November 29, 2015

Student Grant

Filed under: Politics — theplastichippo @ 4:00 am
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Shapps image via BBC

Shapps image via BBC

Perhaps the most surprising aspect of the resignation of Grant Shapps is the startling fact that Grant Shapps still occupied an office of government from which he was able to resign. It seems that this fraudster, liar and two-bit conman has been drawing a salary as international development minister since the May election yet had strangely disappeared from broadcast studios and photo opportunities. Formerly the poster boy of a caring, compassionate Conservative Party, central office have done all in their power to keep him far away from public exposure as possible with, it has emerged, very good reason. (more…)

April 25, 2015

Thirteen days


Chaos – mayhem – blackmail – a marriage made in merry Hell – the full extent of an electorate recklessly abusing democracy by rejecting a failed and corrupt government will become clear in about thirteen days. The Conservative party have not only lost the plot but have probably lost the May 2015 General Election.

After a long campaign of smears, personal attacks, untruths, preposterous spin and avoidance of answering straight questions, even the thickest of Tories realised that attacking the Miliband brand was making him more popular. They had a go at his dead dad which made even white van Essex man say “hang on a minute”. Constantly pushing a photograph of the unfortunate consumption of a bacon sandwich resulted in Cameron eating a hot dog at a picnic with a knife and fork. Think about that for moment and then reach for the mind bleach before asking if we deserve a Prime Minister that needs spin doctors to tell him how to eat. (more…)

April 19, 2015

Less than three weeks to go

If he only had the nerve

If he only had the nerve

What seems to have been overlooked during the increasingly tawdry election circus is the simple fact that we are being asked to elect a government; not a president, not a king and not an emperor.

All this nonsense about a straight choice between Cameron and Miliband not only undermines parliamentary democracy but also re-enforces the dangerous reality TV notion that personality outweighs conviction, principle or political integrity and suggests that the merits and commitment of constituency candidates are meaningless. The future of the nation is a straight choice between a man who has two kitchens and a man who forgets to take his daughter home from the pub. Is this what democracy is about?

If only the decision was that simple. As the most recent televised debate demonstrated, with the opinion polls projecting no overall majority, we must now also judge the personalities of the also-rans as potential kingmakers. It seems astonishing that in the second decade of the 21st century, the majority of the media focussed on the statements made by 40 per cent of those brave enough to participate and the appearance of the remaining 60 per cent who bothered to turn up. Nigel`s suit was very nice and his hair style was immaculate but he was a bit sweaty. I didn`t like Ed`s tie at all and even though his suit was nicer than Nigel`s, his decision to employ that particular shade of lipstick was a disaster darling. (more…)

April 2, 2015

Five weeks to go

Wisgi Cymreig

Wisgi Cymreig

Only three days in, the proper general election campaign has already descended down a rabbit-hole to not just live next door to Alice, but to maliciously cohabitate with the intent of defrauding benefits from the Department of Work and Pensions. Surreal does not even begin to describe what the bloody hell is going on.

Back in the early hours of Monday morning, what better way to mark the passing of something awful than to raise a glass of something lovely and irrefutably Scottish. Thus, at one minute past midnight on the second day of British Summer Time, a celebratory Lagavulin was sipped in thanks and relief at the dissolution of the most woeful parliament in living memory. A second glass was raised in trepidation at what might come next. (more…)

March 26, 2015

Six weeks to go

Altrustic community work

Altrustic community work

Only the meanest of spirits and the smallest of minds would deny some level of sympathy for the hapless Afzal Amin. It would not be unreasonable to assume that the former Conservative parliamentary candidate for marginal Dudley North and a former “strategist” in the British Army Adjutant General`s Corps would run rings around the bone-headed EDL. Sadly, Mr Amin will be remembered as the idiot who tried to use, dupe and double-cross a bunch of knuckle-dragging Neanderthals only to be used, duped and double-crossed by the same knuckle-dragging Neanderthals. Imagine being thought of as less bright than the idiot who leads the EDL. (more…)

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