Lazy

Bayards Colts

After a busy evening of making a new Mayor of Walsall and a new Deputy Mayor of Walsall, adjourning the meeting of full council to the Mayor`s parlour for the ceremonial opening of the municipal drinks cabinet has to be a very good idea. Traditional local authority Mayors and Deputy Mayors are simply wonderful and the appearance of slightly embarrassed elevated councillors in pantomime robes and chains of office at school assemblies, garden fetes, supermarket openings, whist drive closings and dog shows is a joy that epitomises the very essence of British eccentricity. Traditional Mayors and Deputy Mayors raise an absolute fortune for charitable causes and display a civic responsibility that is generally a stranger to other elected members governed by self-interest.

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The people have spoken

Unlikely Strange Kippers via ukipwalsall.org

Well, to be precise, 2250 people have spoken which is about 22 per cent of those eligible to vote in the Walsall Birchills-Leamore by election.

As political earthquakes go, the Labour victory is right up there along with Westminster MPs voting for their own pay rise, Ian Shires spouting nonsense and Mike Bird being an embarrassment to the borough every time he opens his mouth to the media. The turnout and the Labour majority of 365 might be down but the new councillor had a tough act to follow and the circumstances that necessitated the by election could not be sadder. Tim Oliver worked tirelessly for this moment and the poignancy of him not being alive to enjoy it is a tragedy. But congratulations to Chris Jones on becoming Labour`s 30th elected member on the current council.

The unverified result is:
Labour 1075
Tory 710
Unlikely Strange Kipper 445
English Deluded 20

By bringing the full force of his charm, charisma and intelligence to bear, the Unlikely Strange Kipper managed to significantly reduce the Farage vote and converted a self-proclaimed political earthquake to the silent flatulence of stinking, wet bigotry. Our sympathies must go to the English Deluded for having such a small circle of family and friends.

Nat King Cole

Unforgetable

Decades before Will Smith`s fictional Fresh Prince migrated from West Philadelphia to Bel Air, singer and pianist Nat King Cole tried upward mobility for real.

As the first African American entertainer popular enough to have his own television show in the 1950s, Nat King Cole`s success brought him enough money to buy a large house in an affluent, all-white suburb of Los Angeles. Soon after moving in with his family, his wealthy, white neighbours invited him to a party to welcome the famous newcomer. However, the invitation made it very clear that he was expected to play and sing and as a reward might be able to have some chitlins and corn bread with the servants in the kitchen. Ever the gentleman, Cole politely declined, explaining that he made his living by playing and singing and helpfully included the contact details for his agent and manager should the host and hostess wish to arrange an engagement subject to a binding contract and the usual fee. The host and the hostess did not make a booking.

Flag of convenience

A bird on a spike

There is much to be admired when a nifty bit of lateral thinking neatly side-steps an obviously embarrassing problem. In the strange world of Walsall Metropolitan Borough Council, the invention of creative excuses is informed by a wonderful surrealism that would merit the municipal equivalent of the Turner Prize.

Even the most apathetic and innumerate Walsall council tax payer must have raised a quizzical eyebrow at the news that it costs 10 grand to move the flagpole that sits proudly atop the big house on Lichfield Street. In a moment of unusual lucidity, supreme leader Councillor Mike Bird said:

Dick Whittington meets Aladdin

Banksy rickshaw

This is obviously only a personal opinion, but I find pantomime vulgar, boring and profoundly unfunny. I have no interest in the Mayor of London or his wretched cat or the tawdry tale of Widow Twankey Cameron peddling the bodily fluids of pigs in Chinese laundries. Innuendo is best left to those who know which endo the “ue” goes in.