The Plastic Hippo

September 6, 2014

Wishing on a star

My God; it`s full of stars

My God; it`s full of stars

Politics by anecdote is no politics at all and when a politician justifies flawed policy by spouting spurious anecdotal evidence you can rest assured that there is a great, big, stinking rat somewhere in the vicinity.

When a cabinet minister says “people say to me”; you can bet your hedge fund that the people saying things to cabinet ministers are hedge fund managers. When an MP says “the vast majority of the British people agree with me”; then it is fairly certain that the vast majority of British people agreeing are the Spads that just produced the morning briefing. Anecdotal evidence is worthless and so, here is mine. (more…)

August 6, 2014

Over-promoted, incapable, incompetent

Enjoying yet another holiday in Portugal pointing at fish, David Cameron will be delighted that Baroness Sayeeda Warsi has picked her moment to jump overboard just as the nets of moral outrage snag the truly awful coalition government. In the strange world inhabited by Cameron, every silver lining frames a huge, black cloud and Warsi`s resignation might give him short-term relief but the storm is about to break.

In 2007, Cameron appointed an unelected, failed parliamentary candidate hastily elevated to the House of Lords to his shadow cabinet. Promoted not due to any actual ability but because she ticked various electoral boxes, Baroness Warsi became a rare thing in British politics and something of a paradox worthy of Nietzsche. In short, she quickly became unsackable. As a token woman suitably northern and, more importantly, as a token Muslim, her seat at the cabinet table was assured as long as her electoral value remained viable. (more…)

July 11, 2014

Sleep well

Banksy via

Banksy via

In these dark and perilous hours, my thoughts and prayers are with my fellow British citizens as we face the most grievous emergency to ever threaten the very existence of our proud and free nation.

Hoards of organised criminals, terrorists, perverts and Trade Unionists are openly conspiring to send each other pictures of sodding cats and are communicating via comments about TV programmes that nobody else is watching. It is vital that we remain vigilant against this unspeakable plot and happily wave goodbye to civil liberties justifiably sacrificed on the sacred alter of national security. In David Cameron we have a leader who is at last courageous enough steam roller emergency legislation to allow government free access to every snippet of electronic communication without the unnecessary delay of allowing elected MPs to actually debate or even read the DRIP bill. (more…)

May 18, 2014

Glib Dem apocalypse



Nick Clegg might be in possession of the shameless guile required to hype a public profile but he sadly lacks the arcane skill of necromancy. He has delusion, duplicity and self-interest in spades but unlike the Department of Work and Pensions, he cannot raise the dead and make them available for work. Having lost traction, credibility and trust, the Liberal Democrats are dead.

The man who made the nation`s toes curl with embarrassment by saying “sorry” is now desperately trolling media outlets by inventing stuff to take credit for things that don`t actually exist. His latest forage into Farage territory is to state the blindingly obvious fact that not enough houses are being built and that the government`s Help to Buy Ponzi scheme, or Help Yourself as it is known by property developers and greedy landlords, is a bit iffy. Nick Clegg has been Deputy Prime Minister for four years and voted in favour of creating a false housing bubble that will lead to ruinous inflation and catastrophic collapse just six years after the last collapse caused by, you guessed it, toxic debt. (more…)

April 27, 2014

Insult and injury



Great fun can be had by hurling deeply offensive insults and aiming blood curdling threats of physical violence at real and imagined opponents in the strange reality television world of politics and football.

Sadly, the instant gratification of describing David Cameron as a duplicitous, venal, dishonest weasel is ultimately futile because David Cameron knows he is a duplicitous, venal, dishonest weasel and basically doesn`t care what people think of him. Similarly, howling that Grant Shapps is a lying crook or that Iain Duncan Smith is a psychopath or that George Osborne is a bit simple is as pointless as describing Eric Pickles as fat or Michael Gove as being incredibly ugly. The fact is that they are just being themselves, it`s what they do and no amount of bile and invective will suddenly make them discover a heart or a soul or, indeed, any sense of shame. (more…)

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