The Plastic Hippo

December 23, 2011

The election that never was

Filed under: Politics,Walsall — theplastichippo @ 11:55 pm

The vital ingredient in a perfect banana daiquiri is Rose’s Lime Cordial. Lime juice or, heaven forbid, lime squash will simply not do. Trying to buy a bottle of the stuff in Walsall three days before Christmas proved to be as elusive as finding citizens eligible to vote in local elections.

In a borough where strategic policy only extends to supermarket development and parking charges, it should come as no surprise that Thursday saw empty council car parks, queues of traffic waiting at the entrances to supermarkets and almost deserted polling stations in Birchills Leamore. Whatever bright sparks decided to exercise their democratic right to force a ward by election three days before Christmas will be delighted that democracy has been served with a woeful 16 per cent turn out.

Following the sad death in November of Joan Barton, a popular and hard working ward councillor, the result of the poll was a foregone conclusion. In a safe Labour seat, with a Tory government slashing and burning its way through the very fabric of Britain and a completely clueless local Conservative council, the Labour candidate would need to don a Gestapo uniform and drink a toast to Hitler not to be elected. Oh, sorry, yeah, that`s Cannock.

But all that is not to say that Tina Jukes does not deserve her victory. To embark on an election campaign so soon after her mother’s death is courage beyond the call and a fitting tribute to Joan Barton’s many achievements. The new councillor for Birchills Leamore will be a fine representative and her 300 plus majority will be the envy of other Labour councillors who consider themselves to be in safe seats. It seems a shame that she will have to contest the seat again in May.

However, after setting aside the congratulations of a “good” win, the Labour group in Walsall cannot indulge in the triumphalism of assuming control of this basket case borough. A victory in a safe seat with a turn out of 16 per cent is no reason to celebrate, especially as Labour has yet to offer any alternatives to municipal melt-down. There were many more people in ASDA Bloxwich and the retail experience hell of the town centre Tesco than there were in polling stations on Thursday. In other regimes, people are throwing rocks at tanks. Labour are downloading the latest Status Quo single. Facing an open goal with the goal-keeper sent off, Labour refuses to swing a kick because the ball belongs to the club chairman.

So who forced the unnecessary by election in Birchills Leamore that could have so easily waited until May? The Labs and the Cons immediately blamed each other but it turns out that this was not the case. It couldn’t have been a bunch of idiots called English Democrats who wish to take any opportunity to peddle their nonsense, UKIP are not that bright and the Greens just go with the flow. It was probably some random anarchists intent on wasting money and causing mischief in an attempt to draw attention to their failed and rather pathetic ambitions at being somebody.

Interestingly, and completely unrelated, the Liberal Democrats did not put up a candidate in Birchills Leamore. Clearly this is a similar paperwork error that occurred at the last by election in Bloxwich and is not in any way a lack courage for the fight. With Clegg in government and local Liberal Democrats in full retreat, the increasingly monosyllabic Ian Shires continues to have a go at Ed Miliband. As obnoxious as Miliband is, this utter shambles is not his fault and we are seeing the Liberal Democrats being absorbed into the public school Tory hierarchy as fags. Is it any surprise that people wish to legally loot Morrisons rather than go to a polling station?

For the perfect banana daiquiri, the Rose’s Lime Cordial was found at the local corner shop. Mr Singh also stocked the white rum, the bananas and the demerara sugar. We provided the ice and the Pisang Ambon liqueur. Watch out for banana skins in May.



  1. If UKIP are not that bright how come it has been spot on over many years reporting what the EU is doing and predicting exactly what would happen to the EU’s euro? UKIP is the only political party that cares about the sovereignty, freedom and democracy of the UK.

    I’m sorry you have such a low opinion of us in UKIP, I always enjoy reading your blog – it’s a shame you know so little about UKIP.

    Comment by Derek Bennett — December 26, 2011 @ 3:27 pm | Reply

  2. […] While you’re over there, do check out his recent posts. He’s really on form at the moment, and rarely has a truer word been spoken about the political situation in Walsall. […]

    Pingback by Going soft in his old age… « BrownhillsBob's Brownhills Blog — December 27, 2011 @ 12:37 pm | Reply

  3. […] ideas and positive thinking are looking to the opposition for a strong message on this, or indeed, any strong message at all from the party expected to win. Sadly, it all looks a bit woolly right […]

    Pingback by Snouts in the trough « BrownhillsBob's Brownhills Blog — January 4, 2012 @ 1:46 am | Reply

  4. So, we’re a bunch of idiots just because we would like an English Parliament? David Cameron has called us ‘sour little Englanders’. Why all this acrimony just because we want parity with the other Home Nations? The Act of Union 1707 states that all parts of the United Kingdom should be treated equally. It seems some parts (Scotland and Northern Ireland particularly) are more equal than others! For your information this particular ‘idiot’ phoned the electoral office to confirm the procedure for calling a by-election and was told that within the last hour a by-election ghad already been called. If the two ladies hadn’t already moved it, the English Democrats were just about to and would have done so!

    Comment by Christopher Newey — January 28, 2012 @ 9:45 pm | Reply

  5. I wish to thank the author of this for the kind words re my mother yes i am Tina Jukes should i say councillor Jukes
    over the last couple of months i have worked hard ive learnt a great deal from fellow councillors and i hope after may election i can continue to work hard
    again a big thank you from myself and my father ex mayor ex councillor M T Barton

    Comment by tina jukes — March 24, 2012 @ 10:58 pm | Reply

  6. So we the public have been taken for a ride again. Just typical.

    Comment by driveway — February 21, 2013 @ 5:24 pm | Reply

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