The Plastic Hippo

July 30, 2014

Sober in the morning

Winston Churchill v. Bessie Braddock

Winston Churchill v. Bessie Braddock

When a leader of the opposition feels that it is necessary to give speeches and interviews to apologise for being physically unattractive, the tipping point between reality and abject absurdity has been reached.

In the past, this blog has unashamedly likened Ed Miliband to a whining, adenoidal schoolboy constantly bleating “it`s not fair” after coming last again in the sixth form debating society. This comparison has nothing to do with his physical appearance or even with the tone and timbre of his voice but has everything to do with his unwillingness or inability to effectively challenge the subterfuge, distraction, illegality and whopping great big lies puked out by the Prime Minister and the government front bench. Miliband has consistently missed open goals even after failing to notice that the goal posts have been moved to off-shore tax havens favoured by discerning cabinet ministers. If he had been born with the face of George Clooney, the wit of Stephen Fry, the mind of Stephen Hawking and the toned, perfect body of a plastic hippo, Miliband would still be outflanked by a shallow shyster called Cameron. (more…)

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July 25, 2014

The people have spoken

Unlikely Strange Kippers via ukipwalsall.org

Unlikely Strange Kippers via ukipwalsall.org

Well, to be precise, 2250 people have spoken which is about 22 per cent of those eligible to vote in the Walsall Birchills-Leamore by election.

As political earthquakes go, the Labour victory is right up there along with Westminster MPs voting for their own pay rise, Ian Shires spouting nonsense and Mike Bird being an embarrassment to the borough every time he opens his mouth to the media. The turnout and the Labour majority of 365 might be down but the new councillor had a tough act to follow and the circumstances that necessitated the by election could not be sadder. Tim Oliver worked tirelessly for this moment and the poignancy of him not being alive to enjoy it is a tragedy. But congratulations to Chris Jones on becoming Labour`s 30th elected member on the current council.

The unverified result is:
Labour 1075
Tory 710
Unlikely Strange Kipper 445
English Deluded 20

By bringing the full force of his charm, charisma and intelligence to bear, the Unlikely Strange Kipper managed to significantly reduce the Farage vote and converted a self-proclaimed political earthquake to the silent flatulence of stinking, wet bigotry. Our sympathies must go to the English Deluded for having such a small circle of family and friends. (more…)

July 23, 2014

In the Ghetto

The Sims

The Sims

On a bright and sunny Walsall morning another little shady deal is born in the ghetto.

It does not require a genius to understand that there is a shortage of houses for people to live in. Building houses stimulates economic growth, creates jobs, increases local authority revenue and goes some way in alleviating overcrowding and homelessness. Only a complete and utter buffoon would hesitate in encouraging a building programme that would combat urban decay and regenerate dying communities. Fortunately we are blessed by the presence of Chancellor George Osborne. Understanding that demand exceeding supply is very good for profit, he is happy to allow the major players in the building industry to leave huge tracts of land that come complete with planning permission dormant in order to fuel a housing bubble. His bizarre help to buy scheme helps to buy time until the bubble bursts and the donations to the Conservative party from the major players in the building industry are safely in the bank not called Lehman Brothers. (more…)

July 21, 2014

Eyeless in Gaza

Filed under: Faith,History,Society,World — theplastichippo @ 4:00 am
Tags: , ,
Shave and a haircut

Shave and a haircut

It was no less a visionary than Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi who allegedly said that an eye for an eye leaves the world blind. It is not certain when the Mahatma offered this rather sensible advice or in what context he intended it to be used but it is tempting to imagine that this call for sanity was made during the partition of India in 1947. If it was true then, then it is true now and was equally true in 1948 with the creation of the State of Israel.

The mindless horror once again unfolding in Gaza does not have its root cause in the end of the British mandate in Palestine or even in the British Balfour Declaration of 1917. Although those events have unquestionably contributed to the current madness, we need to consider a more ancient time when Jerusalem was the centre of a much smaller universe, London was a swamp and the followers of Abraham decided to go their separate ways. When Abraham laid the foundations for three of the great world religions; Christianity, Islam and Judaism, even his great wisdom could not have imagined that God`s vengeance would promote the schism and be delivered by suicide vest or laser guided from Unmanned Aerial Vehicles. (more…)

July 18, 2014

Rump Parliament

Via independent.co.uk

Via independent.co.uk

Given the long history of British democracy, it is almost reassuring to know that politics in 1648 was just as sordid as politics in 2014.

At the end of the Second English Civil War, elements of the Long Parliament attempted to rehabilitate Charles I with the Treaty of Newport. The defeated and deposed king was at that point happy to sign anything that would save his skin. Oliver Cromwell and the New Model Army had other ideas and Thomas Fairfax organised a military coup with the intention of dissolving parliament and banging up the king on charges of high treason. Realising that this was a bit over the top even for 1648, Fairfax decided instead to purge parliament of any dissenters leaving only a bunch of yes men. Colonel Thomas Pride was tasked with rounding up the trouble makers and, as a result, gave history “Pride`s Purge” and the first Rump Parliament. To this day, a rump parliament is defined as a bunch of shysters left over after an actual parliament has lost any legitimacy. Welcome to 1648. (more…)

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