The Plastic Hippo

March 29, 2015

Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte

Defending hard-working tax-dodgers

Defending hard-working tax-dodgers

Even if we embrace and take delight in a constantly evolving language, there are some occasions when the mangling of English is completely unacceptable. When asked “how are you?” the correct response is “I`m fine, thank you”. Replying “I`m good” disqualifies you from membership of the human race. The question is about your health not your morality.

Similarly, the correct way to ask for a cup of coffee is to say “can I have a cup of coffee please?” Do not, under any circumstances, attract ridicule by stating; “can I get Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte?” Going forward in an over-arching common framework might just maximise the potential of not getting a punch up the throat from colleagues, strategic partners and other stakeholders in the queue behind you. It`s only a blue sky thinking outside the box holistic initiative but let`s run it through the percolator and see if it comes out brown. Have a nice day. (more…)

March 26, 2015

Six weeks to go

Altrustic community work

Altrustic community work

Only the meanest of spirits and the smallest of minds would deny some level of sympathy for the hapless Afzal Amin. It would not be unreasonable to assume that the former Conservative parliamentary candidate for marginal Dudley North and a former “strategist” in the British Army Adjutant General`s Corps would run rings around the bone-headed EDL. Sadly, Mr Amin will be remembered as the idiot who tried to use, dupe and double-cross a bunch of knuckle-dragging Neanderthals only to be used, duped and double-crossed by the same knuckle-dragging Neanderthals. Imagine being thought of as less bright than the idiot who leads the EDL. (more…)

March 19, 2015

Come back Britain



With his boyish good looks, irrepressible optimism and hilarious sense of humour, the grateful nation will surely miss George Osborne when he checks out of Downing Street and into the Priory. The first steps on the road to recovery are to acknowledge that denial is unhelpful and that “problems” need to be addressed. In his final budget, the Chancellor of the Exchequer has confirmed that his long term economic plan is working and that we are all literally rolling in money. It must be true because he said so.

According to George, the deficit is down, employment is up and Britain is walking tall again. We are, he said, a “comeback country” which comes as great news for the one million people needing access to food banks, young people unable to gain access to employment or higher education and those irritating children who insist on waking up hungry and going to bed hungry. It must be true because the voices inside Osborne`s head said so. (more…)

March 17, 2015

Punch drunk

Filed under: Media,Politics,Sport — theplastichippo @ 2:01 am
Tags: , , , ,


Now come on – be honest. Which of us has not been tempted to land a forceful right hook into the face of some annoying idiot that has to be endured in a common workplace? For all our professionalism and adherence to non-violence, an occasional punch-up is inevitable especially when co-workers behave in a way that is not the way we expect. I am deeply ashamed to admit that I once lamped at bloke at work so I can fully empathise with the anguish and trauma that national treasure Jeremy Clarkson must be feeling.



If we are being honest, which of us after a few drinks with some mates has been tempted to pull on the gloves and have a boxing match in the kitchen. I am deeply ashamed to admit that I have never done that even after the disgraceful episode when “someone” opened the oven door causing the Yorkshire puddings to collapse before they were ready. On that basis, I have great sympathy for national treasure Wayne Rooney who suffers from mates prepared to film the rumble in the kitchen and then flog the footage to the tabloids for money. (more…)

March 15, 2015

Kitchen cabinet

Filed under: Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 3:00 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Image credit - Desmond O`Neil

Image credit – Desmond O`Neil

After exposing Ed and Justine Miliband as communist aliens, the Daily Mail`s star columnist is now saving the really big scoop that proves conclusively that Justine is a practicing witch.

A curious Hello Magazine style puff piece chez nous with the Miliband aliens run by BBC News prompted Sarah Vine to sharpen some stakes and appoint herself as witch-finder general. The BBC`s Deputy Political Editor James Landale informed the Leader of the Opposition that the electorate thought he looked odd, he stabbed his brother and was a bit of a geek. Now that a completely innocent and totally impartial growth has discovered that it has Nick Robinson attached to it, Landale is continuing the tradition of bold and challenging political interrogation. Miliband laughed at him.

The old Etonian then turned his considerable insight toward Justine and it is here that we find irrefutable evidence of witchcraft. She said that she expected the torrent of vilification and highly personal attacks to worsen as the election approaches. There – an admission from her own lips – she uses vile occult rituals to see into the future – she`s a witch – she`s a witch. (more…)

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