The Plastic Hippo

April 19, 2015

Less than three weeks to go

If he only had the nerve

If he only had the nerve

What seems to have been overlooked during the increasingly tawdry election circus is the simple fact that we are being asked to elect a government; not a president, not a king and not an emperor.

All this nonsense about a straight choice between Cameron and Miliband not only undermines parliamentary democracy but also re-enforces the dangerous reality TV notion that personality outweighs conviction, principle or political integrity and suggests that the merits and commitment of constituency candidates are meaningless. The future of the nation is a straight choice between a man who has two kitchens and a man who forgets to take his daughter home from the pub. Is this what democracy is about?

If only the decision was that simple. As the most recent televised debate demonstrated, with the opinion polls projecting no overall majority, we must now also judge the personalities of the also-rans as potential kingmakers. It seems astonishing that in the second decade of the 21st century, the majority of the media focussed on the statements made by 40 per cent of those brave enough to participate and the appearance of the remaining 60 per cent who bothered to turn up. Nigel`s suit was very nice and his hair style was immaculate but he was a bit sweaty. I didn`t like Ed`s tie at all and even though his suit was nicer than Nigel`s, his decision to employ that particular shade of lipstick was a disaster darling. (more…)

April 14, 2015

Buena Vista

Filed under: History,Music,Politics,World — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
Tags: ,
Oye como va

Oye como va

Whilst we are being mesmerised by British politicians telling massive lies, something rather significant has taken place across the pond where a man once had a plan about a canal in Panama. Some bloke called Raul sat down for a chat with another bloke called Obama and after the brief mano y mano discussion actually shook hands. This might not seem important but if you were born in the 50s and remember childhood nightmares caused by the Bay of Pigs fiasco and the Cuban missile crisis, this rapprochement between the US and Cuba is nothing short of remarkable.

Cuba is more than crumbling buildings, ancient Chevrolets, cigars hand rolled on the thighs of young beauties and a tenacious clinging obsession with Marxism; it has the best rum and some of the best music ever created. Setting aside Guantanamo Bay, it looks like Fidel won the waiting game. It seems Cuba is no longer considered to be a rogue state cynically sponsoring and encouraging terrorism but has instead been transformed into a lucrative market. Perhaps the next POTUS, who might actually be a woman, will take a look at lifting the sanctions and embargos placed on Vietnam for having the downright cheek to defeat a global superpower in a war that ended 40 years ago. (more…)

April 9, 2015

Four weeks to go

By yon bonnie banks

By yon bonnie banks

There was a time when clairvoyance, mind-reading, second sight and extrasensory perception were considered to be witchcraft and anyone speaking in tongues would be burnt at the stake or thrown into a duck pond to see if they floated or not. In this more enlightened age, we allow desperate politicians to dabble in the dark arts free from any threat of inquisition, scrutiny or comparison to the relative buoyancy of an average mallard. (more…)

April 7, 2015

The silence of the lambs

Filed under: Politics — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
Tags: , , , ,
Image via Leon Neal and Getty Images

Image via Leon Neal and Getty Images

The three secrets to cooking up a perfect Moroccan Lamb Tagine are ensuring the right balance of herbs and spices used for the marinade, choosing a suitable cut of meat and allowing enough time for preparation and cooking.

Mix together paprika, cayenne pepper, ground ginger, turmeric, ground black pepper and cinnamon in a bowl. When thoroughly combined, divide the spice mixture into two halves. Alternatively, mix up some invented statistics, a large pinch of salt, fudge, deception, a smear of panic, raw greed and a little Cameron in a slop bucket. Then divide the nation into the few enjoying a rich sauce and the many getting by on a diet of gruel and taxes. These more exotic alternative ingredients might be difficult to obtain but a visit to your local fear and hate mongers should prove to be successful. (more…)

April 5, 2015

Ambassador, you are really spoiling us



Even after less than a week and with the Easter egg feeding frenzy in full flow, the election campaign is spoiling us with irresistible treats of ludicrous hysteria and delicious confections lovingly crafted in abject desperation. Having triumphed at the rather ridiculous television debate by being marginally less evasive than her male counterparts, Nicola Sturgeon has managed to frighten the life out of Cameron and Miliband. (more…)

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