The Plastic Hippo

October 6, 2016

Lady Marmalade



Following the marvellous Conservative Party Conference in Birmingham, it has never been more obvious to any member of the voting public blessed with the ability to clutch a pencil and mark a cross, that Theresa May is the best Prime Minister that this nation has ever seen. We know this to be fact because her press secretary said so and it is her destiny to remain as Prime Minister for a glorious reign of at least a thousand years. We know this to be fact because of the number of votes she gained during the leadership election, the number of young people removed from the electoral role and with a spectacular piece of gerrymandering not seen since Gerry first Mandered, the redefining of constituency boundaries.

Even before the latest product of the Nightmare on Broad Street franchise hit the screens of Birmingham and beyond, the occasional confusion grenade was lobbed at a gullible public in order to distract from the main feature. The return of the grammar school was waved in front of Downing Street cameras as a diversion from the clueless attempts at an early withdrawal from Europe. “Oh you naughty boys,” giggled a coquettish government, “you have discovered my little secret.” (more…)

May 20, 2016

Close but no cigar

Filed under: Birmingham,Media,Politics,Transport,Walsall — theplastichippo @ 2:06 am
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First class

First class

Being blessed with merciful anonymity, the little town of Walsall seldom attracts either wanted or unwanted attention. The diurnal 15 mile tailback at Junction 10 might excite the traffic reporter at a ghastly local radio station and the occasional nail bomb lobbed at a Mosque by some deranged Eastern European neo-fascist certainly raised a few eyebrows but, in terms of global influence, Walsall is generally happy with inept local politics, average football and a minimal media profile. There are, however, certain moments when the planets align resulting in an event horizon that places Walsall at the epicentre of galactic flux. (more…)

May 5, 2016


Filed under: Birmingham,Dudley,Politics,Sandwell,Walsall,Wolverhampton — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
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Michael Fish

Michael Fish

Following a generally cool start to the day, Thursday will develop into a sunny day of plenty of warm sunshine and light winds with the best of the dry weather across England and Wales and a chance of temperatures reaching as high as 20 degrees Celsius in the South-East. A weakening weather front moving south across the Scottish borders might cause an occasional shower but for the most part fine, settled and dry conditions will provide the perfect conditions to exercise a democratic duty by going out to vote in a variety of elections.

There are lots of elections to enjoy. (more…)

October 2, 2014

Taking Tiger Mountain



According to the BBC, if you speak your mind in Hong Kong you are a pro-democracy supporter demanding freedom but, according to the Home Secretary, if you speak your mind in the United Kingdom then you are a murderous terrorist who must be silenced. There can be no better commemoration of the imposition of a ruthless, totalitarian junta than patriotic speeches in Beijing and in Birmingham`s magnificent Symphony Hall.

In terms of simple hilarity, the 2014 Conservative Party Conference has been the most successful celebration of eye watering hypocrisy since communist China`s notorious cultural revolution. The Tory long march to the dismantling of society, the end of compassion and the destruction of common decency concluded with a stirring yet vacuous speech from the most inadequate Prime Minister in living memory. If this wide-boy survives until May it will be conclusive proof that God has a strange sense of humour. (more…)

August 1, 2014

Laws unto themselves

The spin doctor at the back is saying; "He`s good. He just nicked that kid`s lunch and the dinner lady is rolling a big, fat bogie to plop into his rice pudding.

The spin doctor at the back is saying; “He`s good. He just nicked that kid`s lunch and the dinner lady is rolling a big, fat bogie to plop into his rice pudding”.

It is irrelevant to ask who Nicky Morgan is because the correct and only answer is that she is not Michael Gove. Elected to parliament as long ago as 2010, the member for Loughborough`s elevation to a senior office of state came as something of a surprise but the nation`s children can rest assured that nobody, with the possible exception of Rolf Harris, could damage education with the zeal of her creepy and now officially ugly predecessor.

To suggest that Nicky Morgan`s only qualification to be Secretary of State for Education is her lack of a Y chromosome would be maliciously erroneous. Like almost every previous Secretary of State of differing shades of political grey, Qualified Teacher Status or actual classroom experience is not listed on the essential requirements section of the job description. Instead, Ms Morgan`s CV contains invaluable expertise perfectly suited to the coalition government`s education policy. Before entering parliament, Nicky Morgan was a corporate lawyer specialising in mergers and acquisitions. Promoted to equalities minister, she has voted against equal marriage. (more…)

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