Swamp Thing

Via imdb.com

Sometimes, usually in the wee small hours I feel a little bit sad when I consider what this country has become. This self-indulgent melancholy is almost certainly fuelled by a glass or two of something nice and listening to Elgar played loud on headphones so as not to disturb the neighbours. Having dismissed BBC News as utter tosh, perusing other more reputable online news providers only adds to the feeling of being swamped by dejection.

Upon discovering that Vince Cable is to send a polite letter to bankers asking them nicely if they might like to consider, if at all possible, to think about not pillaging the national finances for personal gain, the increase in gloom became inversely proportional to the amount of single malt in the bottle. The bankers who brought about the collapse of the global economy through naked, reckless greed and have escaped scot free must be quaking in their boots at the prospect of being swamped by a polite letter from Vince Cable. It seems Vince needs time to develop Post Offices into branch banking which is a bit of a shame as Vince knowingly undersold the Royal Mail with the express intent of financial gain for overseas hedge funds and a bloke who just happens to be George Osborne`s best man. I sometimes become a little bit miffed when I consider what this country has become.

Disgusted of Chipping Norton

Image via upr.fr

There can be few things as unintentionally funny as witnessing a conman bluster manufactured outrage after being accused of being a conman and then proven to be a conman. The usual defence of indignant silence when presented with evidential facts goes out of the window once the game is up. When the stock response to being caught red handed is not to dignify sordid allegations of being bang to rights with a rebuttal will not work, then the only course of action is to summon up carefully rehearsed apoplectic fury.

David Cameron`s tub-thumping lectern abuse in Brussels on Friday was not just hilarious, but also smacked of a chocolate covered kid denying he had stolen the Mars Bar. To be fair to the Chipping Norton conman, being presented with an unexpected bill for nearly £1.7billion would make any of us bang the table and search out someone to punch. The problem for Cameron is that no amount of synthetic anger can divert attention away from the fact that this useless Prime Minister has brought it on himself, or rather us as we will be paying the bill.

In sickness and in health

Via bbc.co.uk

After a period of quiet introspection, I have come to the conclusion that I have been completely wrong in suggesting that Tory ideology is destroying the very fabric of society. The very fabric of society is not being destroyed. Instead, it is being systematically measured out, marked with chalk and then cut up into profitable bolts to be sold off to any passing sharks looking to make a fast buck from basic human necessity. I was also wrong about Tory ideology. The gangsters doing the selling off are not even Tories.

Ever since the English Civil War and the subsequent Age of Enlightenment, Tory ideology has been based on “God, King and Country” along with a dollop of High Church Anglicanism mixed with a little avuncular oppression.

Scrounger cull

Eastry Court image via The People

With political correctness gone mad; three cheers for a politician brave enough to speak common sense and offer a practical solution to an insidious burden that affects us all. There are times when honesty dictates that simple truths need to be addressed and difficult words need to be spoken if we are to protect ourselves from abject ruin.

Existing within our communities, there are some sections of society that contribute absolutely nothing to the general good. Festering on state handouts, this underclass wallows in self pity and exploits a something-for-nothing lifestyle choice at the expense of decent, hardworking normal people. In a caring and compassionate society, it must be said that some of these unfortunates have been reduced to depravity through no fault of their own but by an accident of birth. Others, however, have made a conscious decision to defraud the state. In these austere times brought about by selfish nurses, teachers, social workers and malingerers, it is time to abandon so-called politic correctness and name names to shame these scroungers. Good people of the United Kingdom and beyond; we are being forced to pay the bill for the lavish lifestyles of Conservative peers freeloading in the House of Lords.

Making your mind up

bbc.co.uk

When something or other turns out to be a little bit popular, it is sadly inevitable that even moderate success will attract imitators, copyists and blatant plagiarists.

Whenever talent and originality emerges or gimmicky notoriety makes money, there are legions of bandwagon jumpers looking to cash in. Hence we had decades of everyone trying to sing like Kate Bush, then Bjork, then the Hemidemisemiquaver 64th note urban yodelling of Whitney Houston, then the artificial removal of the glottal stop in the style of Lily Allen and now the pop star as harlot Lady Gaga persona. When Abba won, other nations decided that the only hope of winning the Eurovision Song Contest was to be represented by two ugly blokes and two attractive women who might or might not be moonlighting from the adult film industry. Thus the nervous nation was on the receiving end of Save All Your Kisses For Me complete with its own funny little dance and Making Your Mind Up with disturbingly kitsch skirt ripping. It is surprising that former minor celebrities up before the bench on serious charges have not cited ripping off someone`s dress in front of a live TV audience of millions as evidence of the period`s zeitgeist.