The Plastic Hippo

April 19, 2015

Less than three weeks to go

If he only had the nerve

If he only had the nerve

What seems to have been overlooked during the increasingly tawdry election circus is the simple fact that we are being asked to elect a government; not a president, not a king and not an emperor.

All this nonsense about a straight choice between Cameron and Miliband not only undermines parliamentary democracy but also re-enforces the dangerous reality TV notion that personality outweighs conviction, principle or political integrity and suggests that the merits and commitment of constituency candidates are meaningless. The future of the nation is a straight choice between a man who has two kitchens and a man who forgets to take his daughter home from the pub. Is this what democracy is about?

If only the decision was that simple. As the most recent televised debate demonstrated, with the opinion polls projecting no overall majority, we must now also judge the personalities of the also-rans as potential kingmakers. It seems astonishing that in the second decade of the 21st century, the majority of the media focussed on the statements made by 40 per cent of those brave enough to participate and the appearance of the remaining 60 per cent who bothered to turn up. Nigel`s suit was very nice and his hair style was immaculate but he was a bit sweaty. I didn`t like Ed`s tie at all and even though his suit was nicer than Nigel`s, his decision to employ that particular shade of lipstick was a disaster darling. (more…)

March 26, 2015

Six weeks to go

Altrustic community work

Altrustic community work

Only the meanest of spirits and the smallest of minds would deny some level of sympathy for the hapless Afzal Amin. It would not be unreasonable to assume that the former Conservative parliamentary candidate for marginal Dudley North and a former “strategist” in the British Army Adjutant General`s Corps would run rings around the bone-headed EDL. Sadly, Mr Amin will be remembered as the idiot who tried to use, dupe and double-cross a bunch of knuckle-dragging Neanderthals only to be used, duped and double-crossed by the same knuckle-dragging Neanderthals. Imagine being thought of as less bright than the idiot who leads the EDL. (more…)

March 17, 2015

Punch drunk

Filed under: Media,Politics,Sport — theplastichippo @ 2:01 am
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Now come on – be honest. Which of us has not been tempted to land a forceful right hook into the face of some annoying idiot that has to be endured in a common workplace? For all our professionalism and adherence to non-violence, an occasional punch-up is inevitable especially when co-workers behave in a way that is not the way we expect. I am deeply ashamed to admit that I once lamped at bloke at work so I can fully empathise with the anguish and trauma that national treasure Jeremy Clarkson must be feeling.



If we are being honest, which of us after a few drinks with some mates has been tempted to pull on the gloves and have a boxing match in the kitchen. I am deeply ashamed to admit that I have never done that even after the disgraceful episode when “someone” opened the oven door causing the Yorkshire puddings to collapse before they were ready. On that basis, I have great sympathy for national treasure Wayne Rooney who suffers from mates prepared to film the rumble in the kitchen and then flog the footage to the tabloids for money. (more…)

March 15, 2015

Kitchen cabinet

Filed under: Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 3:00 am
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Image credit - Desmond O`Neil

Image credit – Desmond O`Neil

After exposing Ed and Justine Miliband as communist aliens, the Daily Mail`s star columnist is now saving the really big scoop that proves conclusively that Justine is a practicing witch.

A curious Hello Magazine style puff piece chez nous with the Miliband aliens run by BBC News prompted Sarah Vine to sharpen some stakes and appoint herself as witch-finder general. The BBC`s Deputy Political Editor James Landale informed the Leader of the Opposition that the electorate thought he looked odd, he stabbed his brother and was a bit of a geek. Now that a completely innocent and totally impartial growth has discovered that it has Nick Robinson attached to it, Landale is continuing the tradition of bold and challenging political interrogation. Miliband laughed at him.

The old Etonian then turned his considerable insight toward Justine and it is here that we find irrefutable evidence of witchcraft. She said that she expected the torrent of vilification and highly personal attacks to worsen as the election approaches. There – an admission from her own lips – she uses vile occult rituals to see into the future – she`s a witch – she`s a witch. (more…)

March 10, 2015

Missing pets – reward offered

Coq au vin

Coq au vin

The 2010 election campaign was not won, lost, drawn or quartered due to televised debates by party leaders but was influenced by a shrewd and calculated understanding of knowing who to keep away from media attention.

Realising that he was an electoral liability, Conservative strategists basically kept George Osborne locked in a cupboard with a pool ball gaffer taped to his gob until after polling day. Now in 2015, Osborne`s retreat into Trappist silence is probably self-imposed as he manoeuvres to inherit Cameron`s hollow crown. He was last sighted in public explaining that, as Chancellor, it was not his job to investigate the tax arrangements of the boss of a very big British bank who happened to be a former Conservative minister. George argued that scrutiny of money laundering, drug running, illegal arms deals and massive tax evasion would be a threat to democracy. George is a much-loved family pet and if you find him please return him to HSBC Canary Wharf. (more…)

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