The Plastic Hippo

March 26, 2015

Six weeks to go

Altrustic community work

Altrustic community work

Only the meanest of spirits and the smallest of minds would deny some level of sympathy for the hapless Afzal Amin. It would not be unreasonable to assume that the former Conservative parliamentary candidate for marginal Dudley North and a former “strategist” in the British Army Adjutant General`s Corps would run rings around the bone-headed EDL. Sadly, Mr Amin will be remembered as the idiot who tried to use, dupe and double-cross a bunch of knuckle-dragging Neanderthals only to be used, duped and double-crossed by the same knuckle-dragging Neanderthals. Imagine being thought of as less bright than the idiot who leads the EDL. (more…)

March 17, 2015

Punch drunk

Filed under: Media,Politics,Sport — theplastichippo @ 2:01 am
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Champ

Champ

Now come on – be honest. Which of us has not been tempted to land a forceful right hook into the face of some annoying idiot that has to be endured in a common workplace? For all our professionalism and adherence to non-violence, an occasional punch-up is inevitable especially when co-workers behave in a way that is not the way we expect. I am deeply ashamed to admit that I once lamped at bloke at work so I can fully empathise with the anguish and trauma that national treasure Jeremy Clarkson must be feeling.

Chump

Chump

If we are being honest, which of us after a few drinks with some mates has been tempted to pull on the gloves and have a boxing match in the kitchen. I am deeply ashamed to admit that I have never done that even after the disgraceful episode when “someone” opened the oven door causing the Yorkshire puddings to collapse before they were ready. On that basis, I have great sympathy for national treasure Wayne Rooney who suffers from mates prepared to film the rumble in the kitchen and then flog the footage to the tabloids for money. (more…)

March 15, 2015

Kitchen cabinet

Filed under: Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 3:00 am
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Image credit - Desmond O`Neil

Image credit – Desmond O`Neil

After exposing Ed and Justine Miliband as communist aliens, the Daily Mail`s star columnist is now saving the really big scoop that proves conclusively that Justine is a practicing witch.

A curious Hello Magazine style puff piece chez nous with the Miliband aliens run by BBC News prompted Sarah Vine to sharpen some stakes and appoint herself as witch-finder general. The BBC`s Deputy Political Editor James Landale informed the Leader of the Opposition that the electorate thought he looked odd, he stabbed his brother and was a bit of a geek. Now that a completely innocent and totally impartial growth has discovered that it has Nick Robinson attached to it, Landale is continuing the tradition of bold and challenging political interrogation. Miliband laughed at him.

The old Etonian then turned his considerable insight toward Justine and it is here that we find irrefutable evidence of witchcraft. She said that she expected the torrent of vilification and highly personal attacks to worsen as the election approaches. There – an admission from her own lips – she uses vile occult rituals to see into the future – she`s a witch – she`s a witch. (more…)

March 10, 2015

Missing pets – reward offered

Coq au vin

Coq au vin

The 2010 election campaign was not won, lost, drawn or quartered due to televised debates by party leaders but was influenced by a shrewd and calculated understanding of knowing who to keep away from media attention.

Realising that he was an electoral liability, Conservative strategists basically kept George Osborne locked in a cupboard with a pool ball gaffer taped to his gob until after polling day. Now in 2015, Osborne`s retreat into Trappist silence is probably self-imposed as he manoeuvres to inherit Cameron`s hollow crown. He was last sighted in public explaining that, as Chancellor, it was not his job to investigate the tax arrangements of the boss of a very big British bank who happened to be a former Conservative minister. George argued that scrutiny of money laundering, drug running, illegal arms deals and massive tax evasion would be a threat to democracy. George is a much-loved family pet and if you find him please return him to HSBC Canary Wharf. (more…)

March 7, 2015

Empty chair

Filed under: Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 11:00 am
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Marginal seat

Marginal seat

She might have been an unpleasant, vindictive and in the end a rather bonkers Prime Minister, but Margaret Thatcher`s greatest achievement was to re-introduce a quaint Lincolnshire dialect word into the political lexicon. Describing her enemies as “frit” sent Westminster hacks and politicos rushing to Grantham to ask a local what “frit” actually means. This first indication that nobody had a clue what she was talking about was soon replaced with an enthusiastic adoption of “frit” as a descriptor of anyone Westminster hacks and politicos didn`t happen to like. Not to be outdone, David Cameron, the unpleasant, vindictive and now prone to episodes of concerning instability, will be remembered for his greatest achievement – the adoption of a brand new verb into the English language. (more…)

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