The Plastic Hippo

December 8, 2016

Splat the rat

Filed under: Health,Media,Politics,Rights — theplastichippo @ 2:30 am
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Hear no evil

Hear no evil

It is with considerable joy and with a palpable sense of relief that the timely demise of Nigel the Rat can be announced to an indifferent public. Regular readers of this blog may remember the sorry tale of the uninvited pest invading the sumptuous kitchens of the hippo estate not yet four short weeks ago. Having established an excellent working relationship with the vermin extermination operative now known to the family as “Ron the Rat Man”, Nigel has scuttled his last and all the open bread bins in the world will not bring him back. He shall never again feast at my fruit bowl or drink at my sink or leave his droppings on top of my fridge; so he`ll go no more a burrowing so late into the night. (more…)

December 6, 2016

Above the law

Filed under: Law,Media,Politics,Rights,Walsall — theplastichippo @ 2:30 am
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The Supreme Court Walking Football Team

The Supreme Court Walking Football Team

It is becoming depressingly clear that sections of the UK media and swathes of the UK public have a remarkably thin grasp of how the law works so here is a word of advice to those attempting to undermine the credibility and national loyalty of senior judges: your argument might fail if you persist in shouting out insults and lies. The old duffers currently hearing the government`s appeal against a High Court ruling that parliament and not cabinet should trigger the Article 50 process of leaving the European Union are concerned only with the law and not with politics, economics, xenophobia or the pig ignorance of certain newspaper editors and proprietors. (more…)

November 29, 2016

Eschatology

Filed under: Faith,History,Media,Politics — theplastichippo @ 2:00 am
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Apocalypse by Viktor Vasnetsov 1848-1926

Apocalypse by Viktor Vasnetsov 1848-1926

In terms of religious superstition, when Donald Trump talks of millions of illegal votes, Theresa May states that she is governed by her faith in Almighty God and Nigel Farage, without any sense of irony, claims that he is fear for his life, then it seems pretty certain that the end times are upon us.

Trump has suddenly realised what being POTUS entails and having made his point, is obviously attempting to reverse out of a position that he is clearly not qualified to occupy. Like Corporal Klinger in MASH, he is playing the diminished responsibility card in the hope that the people will let him go home. Why else would he pretend to be completely deranged in raving on about a rigged, not rigged, then rigged again election. He has realised that, unlike his business strategy, it is not easy to declare the United States bankrupt, write it off against tax and then start again. (more…)

November 23, 2016

Our man in Diego Garcia

Filed under: Fiction,Law,Media,Politics,World — theplastichippo @ 2:30 am
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Alice and the Dodo by John Tenniel

Alice and the Dodo by John Tenniel

November 2017 – in a surprise move announced by the Foreign Office, former leader of UKIP and renown international diplomat Sir Nigel Farage, PhD, OBE, VC and bar, has been appointed as the next Commissioner of the British Indian Ocean Territory of the Chagos Archipelago. His previous position as Governor General of the Falkland Islands came to an end after 100 per cent of Falkland islanders voted to make Spanish the official language, rename the islands Las Malvinas, accept Argentine citizenship and pledge alliance to whatever government happens to be meeting in Buenos Aries. Sir Nigel achieved this remarkable feat just six months after arriving in Port Stanley.

Prior to successfully strutting around in a big hat covered in feathers, Lord Farage of Brussels was appointed as UK ambassador to the Cayman Islands by former President Donald Trump but when ex-President Trump was impeached on charges of tax evasion even before his inauguration and his replacement ex-President Pence was declared clinically insane after accusing his pet lizard of being bisexual, the current President Michelle Obama removed man of the people Farage from the tax haven and Brussels and removed his fingers from the till.

Sources close to the new Foreign Secretary, Gina Miller, have denied that pressure from the BBC, ITN and Channel 4 to move Farage as far away from their news studios as possible influenced the decision to post him to the Indian Ocean and it is thought that other shortlisted locations including St Helena and the Moon would not necessarily deter the failed people`s champion from shameless attention seeking and a desperate need for lots of money for doing absolutely nothing (more…)

November 21, 2016

Siren`s song

Filed under: Media,Politics,Rights,Society — theplastichippo @ 2:17 am
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Pandora`s Box

Pandora`s Box

There are two golden rules that any politician blessed with wisdom and integrity should adhere to; in victory, avoid arrogant gloating and in defeat, never ever describe the electorate as being stupid. Sadly, political wisdom and any semblance of integrity have packed their bags and said goodbye to the circus leaving the winners in gleeful hysteria and the defeated moaning and whinging at the unfairness of it all. There was a time when it needed an elected term of four or five years to discover that a candidate is a liar, a cheat, a fraudster, a racist, homophobic misogynist bigot who cannot be trusted under any circumstance. Remarkably, it seems that these character failings are promoted as reasons for vote for some unspeakable bully and has resulted in actual electoral victories. We live, so we are told, in a “post truth” era. (more…)

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