Even going as far back as the Book of Genesis, it is still pretty obvious that you can choose your friends but you can`t choose your relatives. Being born into what can only be described as an “unusual” family, the story of Cain and Abel is not a story that ends well. A certain degree of sibling rivalry is inevitable in any family group regardless of incestuous necessity but Cain managing to invent murder, treachery and a curse on the entire human race across three major religions is impressive to say the least. According to the established patriarchy, this should not come as a surprise given the sort of woman his mother was.
The events described in Genesis 4 and the Septuagint Greek translation might serve as a morality tale but has done little to dissuade countless generations of feuding siblings from spoiling Christmas and birthdays. Although not anywhere near the legendary fist-fights between Ray and Dave Davies of the Kinks, the violence offered by the Gallagher brothers or the alleged backstage brawls at gigs by the Nolan Sisters, my own dear older sister has never forgiven me for passing my driving test first time after only three lessons after she failed five times after spending thousands. This was during the early 70s and the flourishing of radical feminism that was fully supported by me but only confirmed that the established patriarchy unfairly allowed only boys to pass driving tests. Even after all these years, the wound is still deep and easily opened by a casual remark or innocent aside regarding anything remotely connected to the internal combustion engine.
A congenial and satisfactory sibling relationship has been maintained thanks mainly to a 150 mile geographical separation and the ability of our respective children to communicate family news via the miracle of social media. Significant dates are dutifully recognised and promises of visits are made and then forgotten as something always comes up or that weekend has been set aside to change the spark plugs or something. Oops…not again.
Imagine then, being in the public eye and having a sibling so eccentric that the oxygen of publicity is sucked away from the celebrity and is focussed upon a weird accident of birth that just happens to share a surname and possibly a birth certificate post code. Imagine poor old Alois Hitler Junior, older half-brother to Adolf who married an Irish woman and settled in Liverpool in a house later flattened by the Luftwaffe. Consider King George VI who at about the same time had to take over from his brother, King-Emperor Edwards VIII who rather liked the younger half-brother of Alois. Ironically, George VI lived in house at the end of the Mall bombed by the Luftwaffe. No, no, no, your driving is fine. You just need to go left to get to Victoria.
Spare a thought for David Miliband. According to the British media, he was stabbed in the back by his conniving, evil, sandwich-eating, obviously Jewish and thoroughly nasty brother who was a son of a father who hated Britain.
Remember Alexander Cameron QC, a lawyer who defended the fragrant Rebekah Brooks against phone hacking and worked pro bono on court cases that had legal aid removed at the behest of his brother, a certain David, who at best can be described as a slow-motion car crash happening in front of our very eyes.
Think about Piers Corbyn, an expert in weather prediction and the causal link between sun-spot activity and earthquakes and the absolute certainty that climate change is definitely, unequivocally, undisputedly not a thing at all and the only reason the Daily Express keep quoting his total nonsense is because he is the brother of the leader of the opposition. Tiredness kills…take a break.
We must, in all of this reflected disgrace, consider the shame that has descended upon our esteemed Chancellor of the Exchequer and his seeming inability not to appear cained when on television. His brother Adam, a struck-off psychiatrist, a convert to Islam and a candidate for a speed awareness course appears to be less than able in controlling his animal lust when dealing with vulnerable patients delivered to his care. Some might suggest that arresting a brother of a Muslim guilty of crime smacks of an addiction to irrational racism so perhaps tax evasion might be the better judicial process when dealing with the rather odd and sinister Osborne brothers. Alexander Cameron QC might be available to represent but it aint gonna be pro bono.
It`s dark and we are wearing sunglasses… hit it.
The Plastic Hippo 
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