Following detailed analysis by a number of globally prominent experts, there is growing concern for the safety of a vulnerable Westminster resident who is refusing to evacuate a space that is in real and imminent danger of complete collapse. With her house falling down around her ears and her premises no longer viable or credible, this poor victim of shoddy workmanship and scandalous cutbacks during the construction and refurbishment process now finds herself almost homeless. Fortunately, the recent sub-letting of the crumbling town house to her new orange friend and the installation of a money incinerator under the Renewable Heat Initiative means that the plucky resident is immune from forced eviction as long as the recently discovered money tree continues to supply the recently installed money incinerator.
There are, however, further concerns regarding the materials used to board up the doors and windows of the property in an attempt to thwart the so-called experts and the health and safety storm troopers. It seems that samples of the decorative cladding have been tested and the preliminary results suggest that living in an environment enclosed by such heat insulation is about as safe as opening an email from a Russian cosmonaut en route to a rendezvous with a super nova.
More worrying still is the horrible realisation that similar boarding up cladding is being used to isolate other Westminster addresses including Number 11, the Scottish Office, the Welsh Office, the Northern Ireland Office, the Home Office, the Foreign Office, the Treasury and, more importantly perhaps, the newly created Office for Making a Total Mess of Getting Out of Europe. There are people within these buildings who, like the vulnerable Westminster resident who refuses to leave her subsidised home in spite of all evidence and advice, must be finding it difficult to sleep at night. (more…)
The Plastic Hippo 